


The Body Recoded

by sinistralScribe



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dysphoria, Emotional exploratory work, F/F, F/M, M/M, The Dysphoria comes in later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-02-28 17:18:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 31,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2740637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinistralScribe/pseuds/sinistralScribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(This is mostly just emotional exploration with next to no plot. Sorry!)<br/>The Beta kids and Hivebent trolls defeated Lord English, but thanks to a game glitch, they have been stranded inside the game. In an effort to figure out a way to escape, they attempt to create a sprite that may know how to leave the game. Something goes wrong, and they wind up pulling a human from a doomed planet and a far-removed reality into the session with them instead. Except the human's body doesn't make the trip, and the only nearby template at the time was a troll.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Lexi had it pretty nice, as human lives go. She wasn’t really doing a whole lot with her life, but at least she wasn’t homeless. She had an okay apartment, a boring part time job, chill roommates…It was fine. She was into RPG style video games like Skyrim, she liked League of Legends, and she liked to read. She was into Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Avengers, X-men, usual nerd stuff…and Homestuck. So, naturally, she had a foot in the door when it came to comprehending what ended up happening to her. She wasn’t very deep into the fandom; she had a few ships but didn’t read much fanfic. She only read through the comic once, with plans to reread once it was completely finished.

Before we get too deep into the shit, we should go over the prologue of this whole story. When we say Lexi’s life was fairly okay, we mean before the fucking apocalypse happened. Not the SBURB-induced kind of apocalypse, the actual MoThErFuCkInG apocalypse. Give you a few guesses who caused it. Go on, I’ll wait. Just look down a little when you’re ready.

 

 

 

Yep. Fucking Russia. We all knew it was a potentiality, but we didn’t do jack shit about it. We being the leaders of the nations actually capable of neutering Russia before they decided their dick was too big for their pants, of course. Obviously, nuclear warfare occurred. Lexi called her parents on the phone when the news broke that the bombs were coming down. Told them she loved them, her sisters too, her brother-in-law, her nephew. She wouldn’t have time to call her aunts, but they were probably busy with their own families.

The nukes were estimated to fall on every state capital. Enough were sent out that a defense system wouldn’t have been enough had the cities even been equipped with any. Lexi lived in one of those state capitals. She hung up the phone and went to sit with her roommates and…wait, maybe even pray. Getting out of the city would have been pointless. The blast radius of the nukes had been leaked by the CIA about a week prior. They wouldn’t have made it. Her buddy Cade rolled the last of his good stash and handed everyone a joint. They all lit up as the sirens started to blare. Everyone was crying.

“To not having to live through the fallout,” Lexi said, her voice breaking on  _live._ She hefted her joint and took a deep breath.

“To good weed and good friends to die with,” Cade added.

Their other two roomies, Kate and Ryan, lifted their joints in a surreal stoner toast, then took their own puffs.

You don’t hear a roaring sound like from the movies. It’s more of a faint whistle, if you hear anything at all before the actual blast. Maybe she was just letting the news countdown timer mess with her head, but Lexi could have sworn she heard that quiet whistle as the nukes plummeted to the earth. She sat her joint neatly in the ashtray, drew her knees in close and clung to them. She closed her eyes and cried into her sleeves.

Suddenly, the whistle stopped, and the quiet sobs of her friends were gone as well. She couldn’t even hear the sounds of panic from the street below. She felt…like she was floating. She couldn’t feel the carpet—or  _anything_ —beneath her anymore. Her eyelids were that red they get if a bright light is shining in your field of vision. Was she dead? She hadn’t heard an explosion.

Very slowly, keeping her eyes shut, Lexi let go of her legs and stretched them out. Yeah, she was definitely floating,  _definitely_ dead, and seemingly not in Hell…yet. She tried to mentally brace herself for what lay behind her eyelids, but she was sure nothing could prepare her for… whatever the afterlife had in store.

Then she heard a voice.

“Essence data intact. Model data corrupt.”

It was hard to tell if the voice was a man or a woman speaking. It was rather androgynous and quite monotone.

Lexi’s eyes snapped open. All around her was an empty white void. “…Data?” She whispered in complete confusion. Then it started to dawn on her. “I’m in a computer. Holy. Mother. Fucking. SHIT.”

“Essence data intact. Model data corrupt. WARNING: Data incomplete.”

“Model data…” Lexi repeated. Her body, the voice meant. She looked down at herself. Though she could feel all her parts—you actually have a part of your brain dedicated to being aware of body part position, cool stuff—her whole body was pixelated and glitchy-looking. “I see what you mean, Andy.” She decided to name the voice Andy because it was unisex and the name of her favorite cousin.

A blue glowing sphere materialized in front of her and started running a horizontal plane of light up and down her glitchy body as it circled her. “Input confirmed,” said the computer voice. “Applying new template. Progress 10%.”

“Oh fuck,” Lexi muttered.  _New template_ must have meant  _new body_ . “I really hope this doesn’t hurt.”

It did hurt. A lot. Her only way to know time was passing in the agony was the neutral computer voice reporting the progress every 10%. By 70%, she was bawling her eyes out, at 80%, she was begging to be deleted, and at 90%, she was just screaming. She knew it would be over soon though. She had stopped the begging. She had made it this far. Just a little longer. She had just dodged—or perished in—a nuclear blast. She could make it through this.

Finally, the voice said “100% complete.”

The pain ended instantly. Lexi somehow moved her body into a floating-but-laying-down position in relief. She stared up at the blank void. She was scared to look down at herself. She hoped she was a little taller. She felt a little strange in her new body…and her head felt different somehow.

As Lexi reached a hand toward her head, the voice spoke once more: “Uploading model.” She blacked out after that.

She woke up as a troll.


	2. Shock

Lexi’s entire body felt sore. Despite being conscious, the thought of even opening her eyelids was unwelcome. She could feel that she was laying on a soft couch. Someone had tenderly placed a blanket over her. She could hear voices around her. Most were in a whisper, but one person was having trouble keeping a lid on it.

“I swear, if this fuck up results in _anybody dying_ , that insufferable nookwhiffing shitstain is going to _wish_ I had killed him for it.” The angry voice was coming from somewhere past Lexi’s feet.

Lexi chuckled. “Nookwhiffing shitstain?” The voices in the room dropped silent. Although she had bit her tongue with her new teeth, Lexi was relieved her own voice sounded the same. “Who even _actually_ talks like a character from H—” She cut off as she opened her eyes.

She blinked a few times to make sure. A gray face under a mess of short black hair and two stubby horns stared back. His expression was…guarded? He was seated on the far armrest of the couch. His body was angled away, as if he suddenly very badly wanted to  _not_ be sitting on the couch at all. His eyes were wide and alert. The irises were not gray, but a dull red. A gray astrological Cancer sign was printed on his black shirt.

Slowly, Lexi moved forward on the couch, toward the gray person. As she got closer, he leaned increasingly further away, but didn’t retreat from his perch. Footsteps indicated that some of the others were approaching in case something unexpected should happen. She couldn’t see a headband holding the horns in place, nor did the gray skin appear to be painted on. She scanned his cuffs and neckline for a break in the paint, but found none. The unsaturated red of the irises could have been accomplished with contacts, but the yellow of his sclera would have been extremely cumbersome, even painful to fake.

Lexi was inches away from him now, eyes— _much_ better vision than her old ones, she was pleased to note—still scanning for a break in the façade. Realizing how inappropriate her behavior was through the shock, she drew away quickly, clumsily tangling herself in the blanket as she did. The troll—yes, he was definitely a troll—relaxed a bit at her withdrawal. “…sorry,” she murmured. “But…are you…?” She paused and took in a deep breath, then looked toward the others, which she had been painstakingly keeping in her peripheral vision.

There were quite a few people present. Lexi recognized John, in his blue God Tier get-up, who was standing closest, flanked by a very concerned-looking Gamzee in his spotted pants. The clown troll’s expression looked out of place; Lexi would have expected either a spaced out or completely manic look. His pale purple eyes watched her almost unblinkingly. Sollux, in his blue and red glasses and an unstained Gemini t-shirt stood at some sort of machine control panel. Finally, Lexi recognized Kanaya and Rose. They stood near each other, each holding their weapons at their sides.

Lexi took another deep breath and looked back at her couch accomplice. She opened her mouth and forced the words out in as even a tone as she could manage. “Are you Karkat?” She could feel her heart pounding. Her ears were thumping from her own pulse.

The troll on the end of the couch nodded. “How the fuck do you know that?” His tone was shocked, not angry.

“Well,” Lexi began. She gestured in the direction of Karkat and the others. “Where I’m from, you’re—” She stopped and realized what she had just seen. Her arm had entered her field of vision with that simple inclusive motion, and it was gray. She held out her hands and looked down at them. She rubbed at her forearms as if to test if it was paint. Her nails were yellow as well. She suddenly became extremely aware that her ears were not the only protrusions from her head. “…I…need a mirror.”

Karkat looked like he was about to argue, gave Lexi a long, cautious look, and rolled his eyes. “Fine. Kanaya do you have one of those stupid pocket mirrors?”

Kanaya brought over a round green compact mirror and handed it to Lexi. Her chainsaw was still in her other hand. Lexi opened it up and angled it so she could look at the top of her head. She had two long, lightly inward curved horns in her short messy hair. Reluctantly, Lexi lowered the mirror to see her eyes. She inhaled sharply when she saw the same purple as Gamzee’s. Hers were a bit more saturated.

“Fucking purple…” Lexi muttered. “Right, you wanted to know how I know your name.” Lexi would rather discuss this than think about her new—ahem—downstairs equipment, which her mind had been drifting towards. “First off, my name’s Alexia, but people call me Lexi, and where I came from, you’re all characters in this comic on the internet…”

After much exposition about Homestuck, Hussie, her own reality, and how it ended… “So, how did you drag me from my reality into this one? And why am I a troll?”

Karkat stared at her for a second. “This comic says we play this game when we’re fucking six sweeps old?”

Lexi nodded. “…Yeah. And?”

“We were  _seven_ sweeps old when this shitstorm started, but I’m not surprised the human author fucked that up. We’re well into 8 sweeps by now,” Karkat pointed at his eyes. Eight sweeps must have been about the time their irises started to fill in with blood color. “We’re around 19 human years old,” he clarified. “How the fuck would someone 6 sweeps old have the fucking mental and emotional capacity to recreate an entire fucking universe?”

Sollux cut in suddenly, speaking in his slight lisp. “You have Captain Bitch-hab to thank for your rescue from imminent annihilation, by the way. Dumbass was messing with the equipment to piss me off. I was  _trying_ to create a kernelsprite, and now we’re out of grist thanks to that idiot mashing buttons! FUCK.” He was about to slam his fist on the machine, then thought better of it. He sighed. “Sorry, it’s great that you escaped nuclear Armageddon and all, but the sprite I was trying to make was supposed to  _hopefully_ have answers to how to get us home.” His mouth twisted around the word ‘hope,’ and Lexi thought she saw his eyes roll beneath his shades. Her new eyesight was amazing!

“What happened to the other sprites?” Lexi asked apprehensively.

“They disappeared when we won the game,” John said.

“You won?”

“Oh we won alright,” Karkat cut in. “We won a first class ticket to go fuck yourselves town in the fucking glitch luxury train.”

“We are stuck here,” Kanaya said morosely. “We managed to synthesize a matriorb and defeat Lord English, and after all of our efforts, the game glitched and we cannot return home. All of our friends returned to life. Gamzee was released from Lord English’s influence. The Beforus trolls winked out of existence, as did the humans of the Alpha session. We have no idea what happened to them, or why we were not released upon the game’s completion. All in-game life forms—the Prospitians, Dersites, consorts, etc..—have frozen in place and cannot be interacted with. We are currently residing here on John’s planet, as it is the least offensive to trolls’ aversion to sunlight. I believe that sums it up.”

“So, I got yanked from a nuclear war into the Homestuck version of Castaway?” Lexi let her head fall back to the couch, wincing when her horns hit the armrest a little too hard. She heard John chuckle quietly at her cinematic reference. “I take it ‘Captain Bitch-hab’ is Eridan?” Sollux nodded, smirking a little. “I still don’t get how you reached across the space-time continuum or whatever, Sollux.” She smiled. It was  _very_ cool to be able to call the characters by name in person, but she was doing her best not to flip the fuck out.

“Hm…” Sollux paced a little across the floor. “My guess is it has to do with Eridan’s Hope powers and my Doom powers. The machine was supposed to utilize potential from the doomed timelines of this particular game and use that to make the kernelsprite. It almost definitely is related to your timeline’s different but still doomed situation. Why the machine would utilize such a loose connection in which this entire reality is a story on the human internet is beyond me. Mixing science and magic is unpredictable. I have no way to replicate the results and see how to get a sprite out of it, even if Eridan would cooperate and I had enough grist left.” He growled in frustration.

Lexi’s stomach growled in response. “…Uh, do you guys have any food? I should probably eat. Maybe it’ll help with the shock I am probably experiencing. Considering I feel pretty calm about this universe-rescue-species-swap…thing, despite the fact that I am supposedly extra-violent due to my physiology…” She trailed off. She was babbling.

“Yeah, let’s eat!” John said cheerfully. He walked right up to Lexi and held out his hand. Lexi noted that Karkat tensed up quite a bit at the proximity.

After a short look at her new, gray hand, Lexi reached out for John’s and let him hoist her off the couch. She was careful not to scratch him with her sharp nails. Oh wow, she was a lot taller. The floor was uncomfortably far away in her new body. Looking down at herself, she saw that someone—probably Kanaya—had dressed her in a nicely fitted, black silk button down blouse and equally well-cut plain gray pants.

A voice from outside the room caught Lexi’s attention. She cocked an ear; the voice was female, aggravated, and demanding, but the words were muffled by walls and distance. It was definitely coming from upstairs. A quieter, gentler voice seemed to be trying to coax the other down. The soothing attempts apparently failed, if the  _slam!_ of an opening door hitting a wall was any indication. Lexi turned to face the direction of the person stomping toward the staircase.

“It’s been long enough! I am going to go see what is  _taking_ so long!” A troll in a jacket and jeans became visible at the top of the staircase. Lexi recognized the Scorpio sign and horns immediately. Vriska.

“Vriska,” Lexi said quietly. She let go of John’s hand. She had forgotten she was holding it.

“Oh, they’ve had time to tell you about me?” The girl smiled and flipped a chunk of her mass of hair. “I could have done that myself.” She began prancing importantly down the staircase.

The second troll appeared behind her in the stairwell. Lexi could tell by the huge bull horns it was Tavros. He rolled his eyes. “Vriska, you couldn’t wait like, one more minute?” He took a step to follow her.

He took a step…his legs. They were normal. But Lexi was too busy remembering what Vriska had done to him to notice. “Vriska,” she repeated, this time so low only John heard. He gave Lexi a concerned look. The memories of the things this person had done were beating against the walls of Lexi’s self-control. Paralyzing Tavros, blinding Terezi, murdering Aradia by using Sollux to do it… The  _reality_ of these horrible acts began to press upon her mind. She was not prepared for the intensity of the emotions that bombarded her.

The room donned a filter of red. Lexi felt her face contort into a mask of pure and complete hatred. A terrifying guttural sound escaped her lips, and she launched herself at Vriska.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dat purple blood.


	3. Taller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Much awkwardness ensues. Gamzee is creepy. Karkat is cute. John is simply the best there is.

Lexi crossed the room in a single jump, landing heavily on top of Vriska. The spider themed girl looked completely terrified. Lexi derived perverse pleasure from this. A horrifying smile came to her mouth as she wrapped her hands around Vriska’s throat and began to squeeze. Her opponent’s cerulean eyes widened as she struggled for breath, hands scrambling to loosen Lexi’s grip.

Lexi felt someone else’s hands on her own arms, yanking her away with as much force as she was busy applying to Vriska’s windpipe. She snarled and twisted, trying to resist the interloper. This time, the new participant dug nail into flesh and pulled with all their weight to rip Lexi off the spider bitch. Confused—and still enraged—Lexi tilted her head to see Gamzee was the one restraining her. His expression was grim; he wasn’t letting go of her arms. Lexi turned back to face Vriska.

The Scorpio girl was gasping for breath but doing her best to hide it. Her eyes held a look of pure terror, and they were locked on Lexi’s. This time, instead of enjoying it, Lexi felt her stomach start to churn. The burning rage she was feeling seemed to take hours—though only about a minute passed—to give way to shame. She was out of control. She closed her eyes and began to take long, deep breaths to calm herself down. Gamzee’s nails stopped digging into her skin, but his hands stayed on her arms. Lexi was awkwardly seated halfway on his lap; they had fallen over when he pulled her off Vriska.

She opened her eyes and gave Vriska a long, hard look. This time she was ready for the anger, but a low growl still found its way through her teeth. Gamzee’s fingers tightened again. She shuddered at the mental image of ripping Vriska apart with her new, sharp teeth. She took another deep breath. “I’m fine,” Lexi said, but she did not move to free herself just yet. She kept looking at Vriska. “I just really hate you.”

Tavros stepped between their stares and helped Vriska to her feet. “We should probably not be in here.” He gave Lexi a fearful glance and quickly looked elsewhere. He shepherded the somehow speechless Vriska out the front door.

“I’m sorry, Tavros,” Lexi breathed. And suddenly she was crying. Purple tears started rolling down her cheeks. Mercifully—no, shamefully—the grief was more manageable than the anger. She slumped in Gamzee’s grip, and his hands became the only thing holding her upright. All she could think about was her dead friends, her dead family, her dead planet. And here she sat, the Lone Survivor, with a brand new body, complete with a frightening supply of rage, safe and fucking sound. “Why?” She blubbered into her hands, but being embarrassed didn’t matter. Everyone she had known in her entire life was dead.

“Is this normal?” She heard John whisper.

“The higher up the hemospectrum you go, the harder it gets to find a stable troll,” Karkat replied in a strained, quiet voice. “Plus, being previously human and then all of a sudden being a fucking purple blood? Doesn’t seem like your human restraint prepares you for that intensity. Not to mention everyone and everything on her entire planet is dead.”

Through her hands and tears, Lexi saw a pair of yellow shoes edge into view. John knelt down next to her and gave her a compassionate smile. He gave Gamzee a gentle look, and the other purple blooded troll slowly released his grip on her arms, scooting away. Without a hint of reservation, John wrapped Lexi in a warm, comforting hug. “I know you lost a lot of people,” he said. “But we’re pretty good at being friends, even the trolls! It’ll be okay.”

Lexi tried to get a light chuckle through her constricted throat. “John, you are so ridiculously nice.” She returned John’s hug, but made sure not to squeeze hard. She wasn’t sure how strong she was. Her ever tactful stomach let loose another _gurgle!_

“Oh yeah!” John said brightly. “You need to get some food!” He stood up, grabbed Lexi’s hand and pulled her to her feet. He cheerfully dragged her to the kitchen while she stared down at their hands. The gray on peach contrast was morbidly hypnotizing. He felt…soft, fragile. It frightened her when she realized it was because her own skin had become tougher. John began to wiggle his hand in her grip. With a jolt she realized he couldn’t get loose unless she opened her hand. She let go hastily, but she caught a brief glimpse of fear behind his glasses. Seeing John afraid of her was like getting punched in the gut. He had always been her favorite character.

They were in an exceptionally large kitchen. Sixteen chairs surrounded an enormous oval table, and a multitude of cupboards covered the walls. John started opening doors and grabbing ingredients. Karkat and Gamzee were the only ones to immediately follow them in. Lexi presumed the others were hanging back, discussing a contingency plan in case she snapped again. She suspected her hearing was good enough to listen in, but she decided against it, mostly because she noticed that Karkat hovered protectively between herself and John. The short troll seemed torn between giving her the stink eye, attempting to calmly stare in her general direction, and watching John rummage through the kitchen. It was downright adorable, like looking at an actual cat trying to pretend it wasn’t perturbed.

Lexi smiled, welcoming the sensation of adoration. “Karkat, you really are adorabloodthristy,” she giggled.

Karkat flushed bright red and glared at her, and even Gamzee chuckled a little behind her. John belted out a laugh and turned from the cabinets with a big goofy grin on his face. He clapped Karkat on the back with his free hand; the other was busy not dropping his armful of ingredients. Lexi struggled to understand Karkat’s reaction to the touch. At first, he blushed even brighter red, then frowned at John, showing his teeth. “I’m not some wiggler you can just fawn over, fuckasses.”

“Doesn’t mean you’re not adorable,” John teased. He nimbly dodged Karkat’s half-hearted punch and began prepping the food. “Hope you like meatloaf!”

The rest of the group joined them shortly. Lexi walked over to Sollux. The Gemini troll did not flinch at her approach, like she was worried everyone would start doing.

“I guess we never got to one of my questions,” Lexi began. “Why do you think I ended up as a troll?”

Sollux considered for a moment. “Honestly, I don’t know. From what you said, it doesn’t seem like any radiation would have damaged your genetic material, since the bombs hadn’t actually hit yet. Could just be your genome was too different from the humans in this reality, but it doesn’t explain why it chose to apply your mind to a troll template. Our brains, as you probably guessed, don’t work exactly the same. My guess is that at the time, since only Fishface and me were near the machine, it was the only template available. Plus, his bullshit powers and mine probably had something to do with it.”

“If you would like to talk about it,” said a mellow voice. “I would be willing to act as an amateur therapist on your behalf.” It was Rose, who had been quiet until now.

“Rose, I do not really think now is the appropriate time for this,” Kanaya scolded, giving Lexi an apologetic look.

“There isn’t really an appropriate time for reality-hopping into the body of another species either,” Lexi stated. “I’d appreciate that, Rose. Thanks.” She looked over to watch John mixing the food into a blob of…well, it looked close enough to meatloaf anyway. She was suddenly reminded of something. “Oh man, if I eat…”

“What’s the matter?” Rose asked. “Your stomach has been quite vocal about its needs.”

“Yeah, but after you eat…” Lexi trailed off.

Sollux began hastily walking over to the others. “Nope, checking out of this conversation _right now.”_

“Oh!” Rose understood immediately. She leaned over and whispered into Kanaya’s ear.

The jade-blooded troll gave a start. “Oh my, I see.” She placed a hand on Lexi’s shoulder. “Let us go outside and discuss this in private, where there will be less sarcasm and lewdness involved.” Rose followed them out onto the dark blue landscape.

“Erm…so,” Kanaya began hesitantly. “Where would you like to begin? And…how much would you like to know?”

Lexi hesitated. “Let’s start with just run of the mill going to the bathroom, but...” She let out a nervous breath. “I am 21 years old, so I should also probably know about standard…uh, sexual…things.” What a lame way to put that. “I’d rather just get it over with all at once.”

The discussion was not as terribly awkward as Lexi had feared. Kanaya calmly and matter-of-factly went through her explanations of troll excretion, reproduction, and sexuality. The method of getting rid of waste was quite the same as for humans—well, human males. All trolls possessed hermaphroditic anatomy, thus liquid waste was…dispensed via the phallic organ. Both sets of genitalia were important in the production of fertile genetic material for the mother grub to utilize. General stimulation areas were obviously the genitals and their surrounding area, as well as the base of the horns. Rose looked on intently, mostly gauging Lexi’s reaction to all this.

“So…that’s it?” Lexi asked.

“I am fairly sure,” Kanaya confirmed. She tilted her head. “You do not seem as perturbed as I might expect.”

“What do you mean?” Lexi asked.

“Well, your species has two separate sexes, with very…distinct external anatomy.” She seemed to falter for something appropriate to say.

“Oh, you think I should be more freaked out that I pretty much have a penis now.”

“Um, yes?”

“I am, trust me. I am. I’m just still hung up on everything else. I’m sure my inevitable first trip to the bathroom will be sufficiently introspective. Or I’ll just faint.”

Kanaya looked concerned. “Was that intended to be humorous? I still have trouble telling sometimes.”

Lexi shrugged. “I was being a little funny, I guess. Morbid funny.” She craned her head back to look at the sky. The spell was broken. The fireflies were free. “I am a lot taller now, too. I think that’s been messing with me a bit. Like not only is my body the wrong species, but the wrong _size_.”

“It’s common to focus on something simple while dealing with something very complicated,” Rose supplied. “How much taller, by the way?”

Lexi appreciated Rose’s invitation to such a pedestrian topic. “Feels like nearly a foot. I used to be like five foot eight.” She reached a hand up to the sky, watching her yellow nails run through the black backdrop. “It’s like I could reach anything now. It’s weird, but nice at the same time.”

“Hm…I wonder if this type of stature is common among purple bloods,” Rose mused. “Gamzee is rather tall as well. Kanaya?”

Her partner shook her head. “I am not certain. I had an isolated upbringing, and the stature of highbloods wasn’t a common topic of discussion with my friends.”

Lexi scowled at the sky. “Don’t call me that,” she said irritably. “There’s nothing high or noble about wanting to rip people’s heads off.”

“You weren’t prepared for that,” Rose insisted.

“Rose is right. I’d imagine the highblood tendency for violence is not a sensation any human would be prepared for.” Kanaya considered for a moment. “Gamzee appears to have pacified his tendencies altogether, though certainly not in a healthy way. He barely speaks to anyone at all. I had not seen much of him since our victory until you were transported here, in fact.”

“Do you think I should talk to him?” Lexi asked. “He _did_ manage to get me off Vriska before…” She did her best to stop thinking about what she had almost done. “Can John actually cook?”

Rose picked up on her desire to change the subject. “Surprisingly, yes, as long as it involves an oven. Unfortunately, he doesn’t like the usual baked goods, such as cookies and cakes, so we often eat meatloaf or turkey.”

“In his defense, it is _good_ meatloaf and turkey,” Kanaya added. “Oh! By the way, I think it would be obvious, but trolls are primarily carnivorous.”

Lexi ran her tongue along her sharp teeth briefly. “Makes sense.”

The sound of footsteps approaching caught Lexi’s attention. There was a rhythmic tapping sound in the mix as well. Two figures walking closely together came into view through the mess of rocks and trees surrounding the residential compound. Lexi recognized Dave’s red god tier pajamas immediately. And just a few inches from his side, a troll with a big grin and red glasses tapped her cane on the ground in front of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For my lovely metric system readers: 5 feet 8 inches is 1.75 meters. The character has become 2 meters tall as a troll.


	4. Meatloaf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing 16 characters takes forever, ugh.

The urge to yell out Terezi’s name in excitement was difficult to fight down. Lexi struggled to stand still as the couple approached. The giddiness of meeting John had been a bit overshadowed by shock, but after calming down, meeting her favorite troll was an unfiltered rush. What she could not prevent was the stupid grin splitting her face. She hoped the teeth weren’t too off-putting.

Terezi laughed in the wild, screechy way Lexi had suspected she might, and came close to get a good sniff of the newcomer. “Mm…grape jelly!” She said. Lexi realized how ridiculously tall she felt standing next to Terezi. “I heard you scared my old scourge sister! Hehehe!” She cackled again. “Good for you!”

“Um…thanks,” Lexi did her best to smile back. “It wasn’t exactly voluntary though.”

She caught Dave shifting uncomfortably at that. “Whatever, I can barely keep myself from chopping her head off half the time,” he said, not reflecting the misgivings his body language betrayed. “And she’s still alive anyway. Probably getting her mack on with Tavros to make herself feel better.” Even with the shades on, he looked openly disgusted at this notion.

Lexi felt the heat rising in her chest again. _Matesprits? Really?! What the actual fuck._ She took a few deep breaths, but a hostile grumbling noise still snuck its way out of her vocal cords. “Let’s talk about literally any other topic,” she suggested.

Before anyone could reply, a brief rustling sound from a nearby bush was followed by a heavy weight shoving Lexi down to the ground. She blinked in confusion, taking a moment to register the big olive eyes gazing at her. Oh, she knew what was going on. She had just been pounce-greeted. “Hi, Nepeta,” she said happily.

Nepeta made a purring sound and hopped off of Lexi. “Hello!” She said brightly. “See? I told you I’d be fine,” she confirmed to the forest behind her.

Equius emerged from the bushes at a run, slowing himself down before he reached the group. “Nepeta, you have not only pounced on a dangerous person, but a highblood!” He noticed Lexi’s discomfort at the word dangerous, and became flustered. “M-my apologies, highblood. I did not mean to imply you lacked self-control. I am merely concerned for my moirail. If you wish to punish me, I—“

“—No.” Lexi cut in. “Nononono, we are _not_ discussing authority or punishment or hierarchy.” Avoiding these topics was probably the only way to keep Equius from sweating up a storm. “We are all going to be chill, and eat some god damn meatloaf.” She let out a long, loud sigh. “It’s been a long day.”

“Represent,” was all Dave said to that.

“I would agree to the chilling part,” said yet another cheerful voice. It was coming from where Nepeta and Equius had been. “But I’m too glubbing _excited_ to be ‘chill’!” Feferi emerged from the forest, wearing her usual pastel colors and jewelry. She gave Lexi a full, tight hug in greeting, before quickly releasing her. “Sorry,” she blushed. “I don’t usually get to give really big hugs!” She laid a kiss on Nepeta’s cheek and wrapped her arm around the cat girl’s shoulders.

Nepeta looked up at her royal matesprit with the cutest look Lexi had ever seen. “Did he say he would come?” She asked Feferi hopefully.

Feferi scowled. “No. He’s too glubbing stubborn. He doesn’t listen to me anymore, and I’m not taking on responsibility for him ever again.”

“Eridan?” Lexi guessed. “Meh, whatever. I’m not exactly mad at him, but I suppose you guys have reason for it.”

The door blew open then, carrying John’s voice outside. “Get in losers! We’re eating food!”

The kitchen was positively full of people. Jade had apparently teleported in a while ago. Her dog ears were gone, but she still wore her god tier getup. She greeted Lexi politely, but she was plainly bursting with curiosity. Lexi was grateful Jade could keep the questions contained. All she wanted to do right now was eat some food. She was starving! The meatloaf was in fact quite tasty, but to her completely empty stomach, that didn’t really matter. While she chewed her food, she noticed Sollux was distracted; the chair next to him was empty.

“Where’s Aradia?” Lexi asked through a mouthful of wonderful meat blob.

“Absorbed in uselessly diving through ruins,” Sollux replied grumpily. “She thinks she’s onto something that can get us out of this mess. I told her the sprite thing didn’t work, but she’s being pretty fucking stubborn about it.” Lexi heard the admiration in his voice that undercut the top layer of skepticism.

Everyone had finished dinner, but most stuck around to talk. After working up the courage, Jade asked Lexi, “Would you mind telling us what your Earth was like? Aside from us being a webcomic, I mean.” She looked apologetic.

“Uh, sure,” Lexi said. “I’m okay as long as I don’t have to go into my own personal stuff. What did you want to know?”

After a few minor shocks from various members of her audience—They made even more Spiderman movies? What’s the point of Twitter? What’s a ‘Russia’?—it was concluded that aside from the nuclear apocalypse, it was pretty much the same as that of the Beta kids’ Earth.

“I’m gonna go to bed,” John announced. “It’s been a long day meeting an alien who’s kind of an alien but not totally.” He scooped up all the plates and tossed them into a contraption Lexi guessed was a hi-tech dishwasher. After about two seconds, it spat the plates out in a nice dry stack. John yawned and ambled out of the room.

“There’s a few empty rooms with human beds you can use,” Sollux informed Lexi. “This has not really been a great day for me, so I’m checking the fuck out too.”

The others eventually wandered off to do their own thing or just sleep, until only Lexi and Gamzee remained.

“Hey Gamzee,” Lexi said. “Did you want to talk about something?”

The clown troll shrugged. “Been tryin’ to motherfuckin’ come up with some nice shit to say, but none of my fuckin’ ideas came out pleasant.” His voice was low and rhythmic, with just a bit of roughness in it. Lexi actually really liked the sound of it.

“Then don’t bother making it pleasant. My sensitivities aren’t made of candy glass.”

“They got motherfuckin’ glass made outta candy where you’re all motherfuckin’ from?!” His eyes grew wide with a muted glimmer of wonder.

“Yeah, they use it a lot in movies for special effects.”

Gamzee was quiet for a moment. “Motherfuck,” was all he ended up saying.

“Gamzee, are you worried I’m going to snap again?”

Gamzee considered the question. “Not exactly in the way you’re all fuckin’ thinkin’, sis. Trolls gotta sleep some motherfuckin’ time, and…”

“The nightmares,” Lexi guessed. “Yeah I’m not looking forward to it. I don’t know how bad it’s going to be. Can a troll actually wake up in a rage?”

Gamzee shrugged again. “No fuckin’ idea. I doubt the shit out of it, but—”

“But you don’t want to risk it,” Lexi finished. “Why are you so worried if you doubt it so much?”

“I might’ve killed some of these motherfuckers, but that don’t mean I’m not all about feeling absolute shit for it. I ain’t about to motherfuckin’ let that shit happen again.” An alarming intensity crept into his eyes as he spoke. It was the first real sign of vibrancy Lexi had seen out of him.

“Well, I don’t feel like being alone when I wake up from whatever I’m going to dream about, and you don’t want me going unsupervised to maybe sleep-walk-murder-frenzy people. I propose a solution.”

Carrying the second bed into Gamzee’s room was disturbingly easy for the two of them. It was about as hard as carrying around a jumbo dog food bag had been when she was human. She was very glad she had not squeezed too tightly when John hugged her earlier. With her bed set up opposite Gamzee’s, all that was left to do was sleep…right after she used the bathroom.

Lexi had really been dreading this. She was completely aware that something new was going on down there; she had nerve endings, after all. Actually _looking_ at it was an entirely different matter. Oh…it was just a tentacle-penis. Concealed behind a weird, solid bit of tissue with a slit in it, which she could only assume was the ‘bone bulge’ Karkat was often heard mentioning. Hm, okay. Still weird to suddenly have that, and also still have lady parts. Yeah this was going to take her awhile to process. Luckily, peeing was pretty simple. Just for shits and giggles, she lightly ran a finger along the base of one of her horns. Wow. She had definitely underestimated how that would feel. She got the feeling that doing that was borderline pornographic, based on the intensity. She decided that was enough anatomical musing for now, or she really was going to faint from the overload.

Gamzee was already asleep when Lexi quietly re-entered the bedroom. Seeing him lucid like that made her less nervous about sharing a room with him. She still remembered how she had felt reading through his breakdown. It had been horrible. She had really liked how calm he was compared to the other trolls. When he snapped, it horrified her. She had a bad history of favoring positive characters that ended up having something terrible happen to them, or worse, in Gamzee’s case, being the source of the terrible event.

He had taken off his clown makeup to sleep; the three scars that lined his face were plainly visible. The strangest feeling came over her as she looked at him, like she wanted to run her fingers along his scars and wipe them away. She remembered the way he had said he wouldn’t let his friends get hurt again. She felt a twinge of…something in her chest. What exactly was going on in her new brain, she had no clue. All she knew for sure was how tired she was.

Lexi settled into her own blankets and prayed the nightmares wouldn’t be too memorable.

Fat chance.


	5. Coffee

She stood on a battlefield. The smoke of burning flesh blotted out the sun. The smell of death was all her nose could detect. Corpses and dying trolls were strewn about the ash-covered ground. The only sounds were the horrible moaning and her footsteps as she ran. Her legs were already so heavy. She felt as if she were sinking, drowning in the awful noises of suffering surrounding her. Her knees gave out; she couldn’t run anymore.

Footsteps approached from behind her. A low rumbling sound came along with them. His shadow reached her first. The low rumble became clearer. It was a guttural sort of chuckle. He was laughing. She didn’t want to turn, didn’t want to look at his face. She knew who she was going to see. He let out a deafening cackle.

Lexi screamed and opened her eyes. Gamzee’s face loomed over her in the darkness. She rolled away to face the wall, hyperventilating. She cringed when he placed a hand on her shoulder, but she didn’t try to shake him off. It wasn’t his fault her dreams were her own personal hell. He had to go through the same things when he slept, after all.

She laid her hand over Gamzee’s. “This is the fourth time you’ve been here when I woke up screaming,” she stated neutrally. “Don’t you need to sleep too?”

Gamzee let out a soft laugh. “No offense sis, but the sounds you get up to makin’ even when you’re asleep don’t make for a good chance at shut-eye.”

“Oh…I’m sorry.” Lexi sat up on the bed and turned to face her roommate. “I could get my own room. I haven’t really had the urge to go on a murder spree any of the times I’ve woken up.”

“Somethin’s got me motherfuckin’ skeptical that you could handle that,” Gamzee replied. “You might not be a murderous motherfucker, but this is fuckin’ night one of bein’ a troll for you. I know humans don’t get all messed up every time they go and get some fuckin’ shuteye.” He smiled gently. “You don’t gotta be worryin’ about my sleepin’ sis. You’ve been gettin’ your progressive quietness on as you go anyway.”

Lexi took in the gentle look on his face. “I know I said thank you for this—the making sure I don’t snap while dreaming thing—but I didn’t say thank you for stopping me, earlier, with Vriska. So thank you.” When Gamzee didn’t reply, she rolled back on her side and closed her eyes again.

The next morning, Lexi dragged herself out of bed, too frustrated and scared to try sleeping in. Gamzee was drooling peacefully into his pillow. She went to the kitchen to see if she could find any coffee. The only other person awake so early was Karkat, who was grumbling loudly to himself. Lexi could make out most of it, and it was clear he was upset with himself and also John. The word ‘fuck’ was naturally a prominent feature of his grumblings.

Lexi cleared her throat after a little indulgent eavesdropping, and Karkat spun around in alarm. “Oh, it’s you,” he looked disappointed.

“You were hoping for someone else?” Lexi winked slyly. Karkat blushed bright red. “You were grouching around kinda loud there.” Karkat looked like he was about to start yelling, so she added hastily, “I won’t say anything, sheesh. Is there any coffee?”

Karkat wordlessly handed her his cup full of the energizing brown liquid and turned back to the counter, presumably to make himself a new one. Lexi took a grateful sip of the glorious joe. It was just as bitter as it had been to her human tongue. She scooped a generous helping of sugar in and stirred it around.

“So, you understand humans, right?” Karkat said suddenly.

“Er…somewhat, seeing as I was one until recently.” Lexi sipped her drink to hide her excitement. She had not been expecting the grumpy fellow to be so talkative so soon.

“Then can you please explain to me what the hell Egbert’s human deal is?”

Lexi splurched some hot coffee into her nose on accident. Through her coughs, she managed, “You’ll have to elaborate a bit.”

“It’s not like I don’t know how fucking stupid this is. This inane interspecies relationship bullship—I mean bull _shit_ . I know it could just get flushed down the load gaper if we ever get out of this frozen glitched fuck up of a session and end up on different planets. I’d be deluding myself if I tried to believe everything would be fucking peachy as human skin if we ever escape this fucking nightmare. So…I guess I’m just wondering why Dave and Rose seem to have no issues with this horseshit and John is just so infuriatingly obstinate?!”

“Hm…” Lexi mused. “Well, have you actually tried asking him out? Is he still adamant about the non-existence of his homosexuality? And…if I may, which quadrant were we talking about here?”

Karkat’s cheeks flared up again as he processed these questions. In a rush where the words barely separated from each other, he whispered, “No-not-yet, not-in-a-long-fucking-time…flushed okay? Are you fucking happy?”

Lexi just blinked and sipped her coffee. She thought for a long time before answering. “Look, I’m not a relationship guru. Even with our measly single ‘quadrant’, human romance gets really convoluted. I think if it’s causing you this much anxiety, then maybe you should just bite the bullet and get to the truth. You have two paths in front of you: Ask him out and either get a yes or no.  _Or_ do nothing and die of a heart attack at an early age. Okay, the last bit is a little facetious, but seriously, you should probably say something before you never get to see him again.”

“But what would even be the point if we get out of this game and are separated forever?”

Lexi shrugged. “That depends on if you think it would be worth it, even for a little while. Maybe it’s because I just survived nuclear Armageddon, but I don’t plan on passing up little stretches of happiness ever again.” She took another drink. “Speaking of, have you seen Eridan?”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Haven’t seen him since he fucked us all over yesterday. Feferi mentioned the loser was hiding on Jade’s planet. The gate’s in the room labeled LOFAF.” He grabbed his finished drink from the coffee maker and trudged out of the kitchen. He threw Lexi a hushed “thanks” before heading into the hallway.

Apparently someone—probably Jade—had clustered the gates to the other three planets close together and placed them in labeled rooms. She guessed it was also Jade who had created the large compound the group currently inhabited. The building was located near the base of the large dirt pillar that supported John’s house, way up in the sky. Lexi opened the door to the LOFAF portal, curious to see a gate up close and in 3D. It glowed blue and pulsed like those old screen savers from the 90’s. More excited than afraid, she reached out her hand. Her arm became whited out in a colorless glow, but she could still feel it. She took a deep breath as she stepped completely through.

She stumbled and fell clumsily onto the grass. Back when she wasn’t over six feet tall, she had had impeccable balance. Adjusting to this new height would take some time. She hoped she could get her old dexterity back eventually. She picked herself off the ground and brushed the dirt from her knees and chest. Little hummingbirds hovered in the air, flitting among the trees and undergrowth in pleasing patterns. The portal had let out near the base of the frog temple. Lexi could see a pair of legs dangling over the edge of the top landing.

_Figures,_ she thought, rolling her eyes. How could Eridan  _not_ be dramatically lying near the edge of a steep drop? She began the long ascent up the ancient stairs, really wishing she had more time to practice balancing in her new body. She kept her weight tilted forward, occasionally leaning a hand against the higher stairs. The climb wasn’t really that difficult, but she remembered too well the running ‘warned you bout stairs’ gag that popped up regularly in the comic.

She finally crested the top to find Eridan lying on his back, sleeping like a baby—or wiggler, she supposed was technically more accurate. She tiptoed over carefully and sat next to him on the cool stone. His mouth was slacked open, and he was snoring quietly. She leaned forward a bit to look at his teeth; they sort of reminded her of a shark, though he only had a single row of them. It was strange, and probably creepy of her, watching him sleep. She knew she should probably be angry with him the way she was with Vriska, but he really hadn’t been given much depth. It was hard to place such negative feelings on someone you just didn’t get to know very much about through a limited narrative window.

She contemplated waking him from his slumber to talk, but he just seemed so peaceful. She wanted to delay hearing his voice a little longer. She didn’t really know what to expect it would sound like. She just found his snoring to be nice somehow. Wow, she was weird. A stray snort from Eridan made her chuckle at the unexpected noise. He started to stir; it seemed her decision was now moot.

Eridan blinked sleepily and yelped in fright at the sight of Lexi. He very nearly fell off the edge of the temple altogether in his panic, but Lexi yanked him back by the shirt just in time.

“Woah! Woah, easy dude,” she coaxed. When it looked like he wasn’t going to flail around anymore, she pointedly let go of his shirt.

Eridan looked completely flustered. “WWhy in the glubbin’ fuck—I mean…howw did you, fuck, uh…wwhat do you wwant?” It was a little hard to understand his splutters along with the doubled w’s. She hadn’t expected him to actually verbally talk like that.

“Um, I guess,” Lexi began. “I wanted to thank you?”

“Oh,” was all Eridan said. He didn’t seem able to process the thought. Lexi waited patiently as he collected himself. After a few minutes, he finally managed, “But weren’t you, ya knoww, human before?”

“Yeah. It’s weird as hell, but I’m still alive. So thanks.” Lexi grinned in a way she hoped wasn’t unsettling.

“Oh. That computer-obsessed asshole made it sound like I’d vvisited some kinda unholy torture on you.” Lexi winced at the word ‘torture’. Sollux’s embellishment wasn’t entirely inaccurate. Torture seemed to be one of the many gruesome themes of her nightmares. She could tell Eridan had noticed her flinch in composure. “So…” He seemed to be floundering for a change in subject. “You climbed all the wway up here just for that?”

Was Eridan Ampora demonstrating…empathy? “Actually, I kind of just wanted to talk.”

“Wwith me?” A faint shade of violet crept onto Eridan’s cheeks. Then his expression faded a little. “Wwhy?”

“Well, to be honest, I don’t really know much about you. I feel like I should be angry with you about the stuff you’ve done, but I just have a whopping case of apathy on the subject.”

“So, are you sayin’ you wwant to be mad at me? I heard wwhat happened wwith Vvriska.” He sounded truly fearful of this event.

Lexi shook her head insistently. “No no, I don’t want to be mad at you. Trust me. That’s pretty much my least favorite emotion right now. I guess I just want to actually understand you?”

“Wwhat’s to understand? I’m pathetic, desperate, I screwwed up evverything, and I wwas wwrong about evverything too.” He flopped back onto the stones with a miserable look on his face.

Lexi leaned over to look him in the eyes. “Is the thesis statement here that you feel remorse?”

Eridan nodded begrudgingly. “It’s not wwhat I was taught. I greww up knowwin’ only that the sea dwwellers wwere the best an’ fuck evverybody else. It stopped sittin’ right wwith me wwhen wwe started playin’ this fuckin’ game. I wwore evverybody out wwith my bullshit hypocritical advvances and finally snapped like a wwriggler failing his trials.”

“When did you realize all this?”

“Wwhile I wwas dead. I met my ancestor wwho pretended not to give a shit about the hemospectrum, evven though it was obvvious he did, but only ‘cause he liked the fuckin’ status. It was like…lookin’ in a mirror that turns the wworst parts a you into some kinda nightmare beast.” He covered his face with one arm.

“I take it your genocide complex phase is over then?”

Eridan’s arm shifted back and forth along with his nod. “So noww I’m just a pathetic, desperate,  _non-genocidal_ shithead wwho hasn’t got a chance in hell a fillin’  _any_ quadrant. Only noww the difference is, I am fully awware I don’t deservve it in the first place.”

“Aw, come on,” Lexi said brightly. “You haven’t hit on me once this whole time! Don’t be so down on yourself.” The only reply was a muffled grumble of unintelligible words. She reached over to pry Eridan’s arm away from his face. “You just need to loosen up! And as payment for saving my life, I hereby pledge to show you how to have a good time.”

“Well, you kinda saved my life like five minutes ago, so aren’t we even already?”

“You don’t get out of this that easy,” Lexi said sternly. She stood up and offered her hand to help Eridan to his feet. He took it hesitantly, which only prompted Lexi to yank him to his feet with an ornery chuckle. “We’ll need a beach ball and a net. Come on!” She started to climb down the massive staircase, leading Eridan to Jade’s house.


	6. Beach

Lexi was surprised how easy it had been to organize a beach party on such short notice. After a few deflated beach balls and an additional explanation that the goal was not to puncture it, a steady game of volley-beach-ball was in full swing. Lexi had managed to convince Eridan just to ignore Sollux, who was sulking a ways down the beach, grumbling to himself and doing some programming on a portable computer. Feferi was having a hell of a time getting Nepeta to go near the ocean, but once she succeeded, Nepeta quickly realized how fun it was to splash around and be generally ornery amongst the gentle waves. Jade was busy burying Equius in the sand. Dave and Terezi were soaking their feet at the water’s edge, Dave claiming to be too cool for volleyball, Terezi not willing to sniff the ball out constantly. Vriska and Tavros busied themselves climbing the cliffs and jumping into the water from ever higher ledges.

John, of course, was totally into the game. He, Karkat, Rose, and Kanaya faced off against Lexi, Gamzee, Aradia, and Eridan. The score was tied; twenty for Team Egbert, twenty for Team Motherfucker. Team names were courtesy of John and Gamzee, respectively. Lexi had been pleasantly surprised with Gamzee’s quick reflexes. He had made a number of saves she hadn’t thought possible. Both he and Eridan had a liveliness to them that she was happy to see. She was feeling similar, and she guessed that a little competitive sport brought out a healthy shade of highblood aggression.

It was Team Egbert’s serve, and John was up.

“You’re going down, Egbert,” Lexi threatened. She threw John a smile full of teeth.

He gulped nervously, but quickly collected himself. “You can’t scare the points out of me,” he said, and he swatted the beach ball over the net.

Aradia spiked it hard back across, only to have the move countered by a diving bump from Karkat. The ball was returned easily back to the Egbert side with a swing of Eridan’s arm, but Kanaya was ready for it. She punched the ball in a narrow arc so that it just grazed the top of the net and began to drop quickly. Gamzee was there in a flash to bump it back over, where Rose waited to make her own play. Lexi managed to make it to the corner Rose had been aiming for and actually put Aradia in a good position to spike it. Karkat had recovered by then, and he thwarted Aradia once again, this time giving John a chance at a straight, solid blow. Lexi saw the satisfaction on John’s face as he swung his arm back and brought it forward full force.

Eridan leapt into the air, directly in front of John, and there was a rapid  _ting-ting_ as the ball bounced between them, Eridan managing to glance the blow at a steep angle none of Team Egbert were in a position to respond to. The ball landed softly in the sand, and Eridan placed his hands on his hips, triumphant.

Lexi laughed as Karkat grumbled something about ‘stacking the team with highbloods’. She shook hands with John under the net. “Good game,” she said politely.

“Good game,” John echoed cheerfully. “Nice moves, Eridan,” he added, smiling.

Eridan blushed a faint violet and gave a small smile back.

Lexi finished high-fiving Gamzee and Aradia before walking up to Eridan. “Come on,” she said, grabbing his wrist. “Now we get to swim!” She turned to pull him toward the surf, but he slipped out of her grasp. “What’s the matter?” She lowered her voice. “Can’t you breathe underwater? What’s the hold up?”

“I just don’t like to spend much time in the ocean is all,” Eridan informed the sand between his toes.

“Why not?” Lexi whispered back. “It’s big, it’s blue, you can swim in it. What’s not to like?”

“It’s just that, on Alternia, the ocean wwas full of lusii,” Eridan answered, still staring at the ground.

“And you were afraid of them,” Lexi finished.

Eridan nodded.

“Well, there are no monsters in the ocean on this game-construct planet. I mean, even Nepeta is having fun in the water.” Lexi pulled at Eridan’s wrist gently. “Come on, are you gonna let a cat show more courage than you? I’ll even promise to beat the shit out of any sharks that probably won’t show up.”

Finally, Eridan looked up. “Wwhy are you being so nice to me?”

Lexi considered for a moment. “For starters, you did save my life.”

“So you are paying me a debt,” he said flatly.

“Let me finish, jeez,” Lexi scolded him, but she softened her expression. “I’m being nice to you because you’re sad, and I don’t want you to be. Humans call it compassion, when you want to make someone else feel better, because just letting them go on being sad hurts you too.”

“Humans do certainly havve a lot of wwords for pity,” Eridan commented.

Lexi let go of Eridan’s hand. “You mean pity as in troll romantic pity?” She looked Eridan up and down, waiting for him to respond. When he nodded, looking a bit sad, she continued. “I guess I’ve definitely gone out of my way to make you feel better. I haven’t really put this much effort into that sort of thing before…at the same time, I don’t know jack shit about quadrants. I wasn’t into shipping the way a lot of my friends were.”

“Shipping? Like Nepeta does?”

“Yeah. I had a few pairings I thought were cute, but they were all flushed. I didn’t care to take on the mental acrobatics of the other three quadrants. Maybe I should have. So, enlighten me. What do you think?”

Eridan shifted uncomfortably. “Wwell, you seem to havve been behavving in a pale manner. ‘Making me feel better’ as you put it, could be considered placation, wwhich is the main point of the pale quadrant.”

“Oh.” Lexi said. “Um…how do you feel about it?”

Eridan jumped slightly in surprise. “Wwhat do you mean?”

“I mean, if you think I am being offensive, let me know. Or if you would like me to continue, you can tell me so.”

“You wwould just…leavve me alone if I asked? Just like that?”

“Well, yeah. Respecting your boundaries and whatnot. We can still just hang out like human friends, if you want.”

“I think…” Eridan moved his weight from one foot to the other. “That it wwould be best to operate as human friends until you understand the quadrants better.”

Lexi let a wide grin split her face. “Fine by me. Part of human friendship: messing with your friends.” With that, she scooped Eridan up, slung him over her shoulder, and sprinted into the ocean.

As she was coughing a good deal of sea water out of her nose, Lexi could hear Eridan spluttering, “Bloody hell, are you glubbin’ crazy?! I could havve—”

“Could have what?” Lexi interrupted. “You can’t drown. Lighten up!”

Eridan was about to retort when the sound of Sollux laughing his ass off reached them. He was lying on his stomach, pounding the sand with his fists he was laughing so hard. “Oh my gog, Ampora, you should have seen your face!”

Lexi found herself growling right along with Eridan. Her sea dweller friend started forward, but she caught his arm and threw him a conspiratory look. “Let’s see if Sollux wants to swim,” she suggested quietly, and Eridan grinned in comprehension.

Together, they raced headlong for Sollux, who was still lying on the shore, shaking with laughter. They had each grabbed an arm and a leg before he realized they were even after him. “Hey, put me the fuck down you psychos!” Sollux yelled, jerking his arms and legs. Sadly, Lexi and Eridan were much stronger.

“Your wish is our command,” Lexi teased as they approached the shore.

“Aradia! Could I get a little help?!” Sollux called, but Aradia was beside herself with giggles.

They swung Sollux back, once, twice, three times before letting him loose to splash into the water. He flew a bit further out than Lexi had anticipated. She gave Eridan a high five before wading out to help Sollux get his footing. He refused to take her hand at first, then realized how powerful even these short waves were and grabbed for it.

“I think he originally intended to try and hurt you,” Lexi told Sollux quietly as she tugged him closer to shore.

Sollux scoffed. “Like he actually could. He never follows through on any threats,” he added dejectedly.

“You want him to?”

“Well, not in an actual lethal way, no,” Sollux amended. “I am so not explaining this to you. But thanks for pulling my ass to shore.” He shot Eridan a glare as he trudged back over to his computer. Aradia went to sit with him in the sand and put her arm around his shoulders.

“Hey Eridan,” Lexi began. She motioned toward Sollux and Aradia. “Are they in a quadrant?”

Eridan rolled his eyes. “Obvviously. Makes me wwanna vvomit, how fuckin’ pale they are sometimes.” He sighed. “Thanks for bein’ so nice, but I think I’m gonna go be alone for a bit.”

“That’s cool,” Lexi said. “See you later.” As she watched Eridan go, she murmured to herself: “I need a fucking tutor for this quadrant business.” She looked around to see what the others were up to.

John was sneaking up behind Jade, who was snorkeling over by the cliffs. Vriska and Tavros were sitting high above Jade, leaning against each other. Lexi rolled her eyes and looked away before she started growling again. Dave and Terezi had disappeared, probably for sloppy m4k3outs. Rose and Kanaya were taking a walk farther down the beach. Feferi and Nepeta were still playing in the water, while Equius attempted to build a rather lopsided sand sculpture of what Lexi guessed was a musclebeast. Karkat was missing, though Lexi suspected he was preparing a romantic gesture for John. She hoped it went well.

She didn’t spot Gamzee right away, but she eventually found him napping in a tide pool a fair distance from the group. Lexi knew he hadn’t gotten enough sleep the night before. She wondered why he had agreed to play in the volleyball game when he was so tired. She felt guilty for keeping him up all night. She knew his dreams were just as awful as her own, and now he was missing out on fun  _and_ having nightmares. He was so cute, all curled up and snoring.

Wait. Did she think Gamzee was…cute? Lexi thought about this for a minute. His features did draw her eye in a positive way. Her type hadn’t changed all that much. Gamzee was tall and slender, with sharp facial features. Yes, she supposed she did like the way Gamzee looked. She ran through a few of the other trolls in her head. Karkat was adorable, but that just seemed to be a universal truth, like it was with John. She didn’t find Sollux particularly aesthetic. Kanaya she found  _very_ pretty, which was additional confusion. She hadn’t been a zero on the human Kinsey scale, but Lexi had been secure in her heterosexual identity. Finding other female trolls attractive was an interesting feeling to say the least. Then she thought about Eridan. Hm…while she did think his features were nice, she was sure her weird compulsion to ‘placate’ him was not born from physical attraction.

She looked back at Gamzee then, trying to compare her feelings. Yep, she definitely found Gamzee attractive, but she also just enjoyed being around him. He had made her feel safe from her nightmares, which basically trumped physical attraction any day of the week. She liked listening to his voice, with its gravelly undertones. And she knew he understood a very important detail about her nightmares. She wasn’t scared of them because they were full of pain and violence. She was scared of them because she  _enjoyed_ them.


	7. Control

Lexi continued to struggle with the nightmares, and Gamzee continued to lose sleep because of her. A few days in, she decided to take Rose up on her offer of amateur therapy.

“So I was sitting there like a total creeper, watching him sleep, thinking about how attractive he was. Not to mention everyone and everything I ever knew was just eradicated, and I’m sitting there thinking about fucking quadrants. I lose everything but my mind, and now I’m pretty sure I’m losing that too.” Lexi took in a deep breath. That had been a mouthful.

“Let’s start with your first statement,” Rose began. “You believe it was indecent of you to watch him sleep, but is that merely because you were simultaneously assessing his attractiveness?”

“I don’t know, I guess so. I mean, I’ve never watched anyone sleep before. Isn’t it generally considered creepy? At least to non-Twilight fans.”

Rose chuckled briefly. “And do you consider the fact that Gamzee has been watching  _you_ sleep to be unsettling?”

“No, but that’s not the same.”

“What is different about it?”

“Apparently, I’m not a silent sleeper when I’m having nightmares. He can’t sleep through it. So what else is he supposed to do?”

“Perhaps he  _is_ able to sleep through it and elects to watch over you out of a desire to protect you. Have you considered this possibility?”

“No…I hadn’t.”

Rose let Lexi think about this before continuing. “Concerning your next statement. Do you believe it is wrong of you to be experiencing romantic feelings so soon after such a monumental loss?”

“Well, yeah, to an extent. Shouldn’t I be feeling completely awful? Hell, I should probably be comatose or something.”

“I think it is possible that fully processing your loss would utterly destroy you. I truly believe it may be best for you to embrace what you  _do_ have. I don’t think it is wise to allow yourself to dwell on the extinction of your planet, or even to allow some sense of loyalty to hinder your further development as a person. What do you think?”

Lexi sighed. “You’re right. My brain wouldn’t be able to handle it. What do you think I should do?”

“First, I think we should complete our analysis of your previous statements before we discuss my opinions.”

“Fair enough.”

“Now, when you speak of losing your mind, are you merely referring to this incident?”

“No.”

“Are you willing to elaborate?”

“Where do I start? I’m talking about when I don’t feel in control. The first time was with Vriska.”

“When Gamzee had to pull you off of her.”

“Yeah. The second time was when Sollux was laughing at Eridan. I…I growled. I was angry with him for making Eridan feel bad. But then I saw that Eridan might hurt him, and I reined him in. I didn’t want to let him hurt Sollux, even though we were both mad at him. That was complicated. I think me being mad at Sollux was just…regular sympathy, but keeping Eridan from doing something dangerous was less… _me._ It was instinct, reflex. Does that make sense?”

Rose nodded thoughtfully. “Trolls seem to possess a larger number of primal urges than humans. I think this will take time to reconcile with your psyche. Humans place a great deal of value on free will, which can be compromised by instinct in ways we do not always feel are justified. Continue.”

“Right. This is the worst one. The nightmares.”

“Yes, Kanaya has described a few of hers to me.”

“I don’t know if Kanaya’s nightmares are quite the same as mine.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Has she told you what the job of the purple-blooded trolls was on their planet?”

Rose became visibly tense. “Yes,” she answered softly.

“In my nightmares, there’s the usual terrible things happening. Mostly, I just run through the landscapes, trying to get away from it, but not always.” Lexi shuddered then and fell silent.

“It’s all right,” Rose coaxed. “What happens the rest of the time?”

Lexi looked away from Rose to stare up at the ceiling. “Sometimes, I’m the cause of the screams. Sometimes, it’s me hurting people, killing them. Sometimes it’s children. Sometimes it’s dozens of unarmed people, and I—” She couldn’t keep going. Her throat was too tight to speak. She sat up on the couch and wiped her face in her t-shirt. Kanaya had graciously emblazoned a purple butterfly onto the front to serve as Lexi’s sign. The creature seemed an appropriate symbol to Lexi, given her situation.

Rose left her chair and sat next to Lexi on the couch, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Kanaya has not mentioned experiencing this phenomenon.”

“No, I don’t think she would. I doubt she has to experience it at all.”

“Would you like to talk about something else?” Rose offered.

Lexi nodded decisively. “How about those opinions you mentioned earlier?”

A small smile formed on Rose’s face. “I think Gamzee has been hurting badly for quite some time. I don’t think he believes he deserves to stop hurting.” Rose shifted to get better eye contact with Lexi. “I have also been observing that his mood is exceptionally improved around you. It is likely he possesses feelings similar to yours, but has chosen not to act upon them as part of his self-inflicted emotional punishment.”

“Wow. Has he talked to you or something?”

Rose shook her head. “No, his behavior is simply easily interpreted. When he is lucid, at least.”

“I think I need to go for a walk,” Lexi announced.

Rose let her go without a fuss, and Lexi wandered outside. She looked around at the Land of Wind and Shade. With all the oil gone, it looked like an artist had experimented with painting a landscape in exclusively blue shades. The effect was a not-quite-jarring, somehow subdued environment. She ran her hands along the trunks of the pale blue trees and over the smooth dark rocks as she walked. She passed a few motionless yellow salamanders, frozen mid step in whatever journey they had been undertaking when the game froze.

She came upon a roughly circular clearing with a single, large tree sitting slightly off from the center. She sat down between the roots and leaned back against the trunk, resting her forearms lightly on her knees. She stared at her gray skin for a long time, tapping her yellow nails against her kneecaps. She had mostly adjusted to her new height, though she had to keep reminding herself not to bump her horns on low-hanging objects. Being suddenly hermaphroditic probably should have bothered her more, but it just didn’t. She didn’t want to think about all the involuntary growls, or how some part of her enjoyed the parts of her nightmares where she was the source of the pain.

She was stuck in a strange body, trapped in a frozen game that had recently been the focus of a comic she’d read online, trying to keep a handle on her sanity, and to top it all off, everyone else on her planet was dead. She was never going to see her family again. It was going to be her little sister’s birthday next month. Lexi had been planning on a surprise visit. Her shoulders started to shake as thoughts of her family flooded her mind. She just lifted her head to the sky and cried, remembering them. She didn’t try to stop thinking about them. She needed to remember them, even if she forgot everything else. She remembered how happy her mother had been upon retirement, how ridiculously gung-ho her father was about preparing for some potential apocalypse. He had been building a stockpile of non-perishables last time she had visited. She remembered the drawings covering her sister’s bedroom walls. She made herself remember everything. Then she thought about her friends from college and all their quirks. She thought about how awkward her first D&D session had felt, and how quickly she got over that feeling and just had fun. She traced her life all the way to her last moments with Kate, Ryan, and Cade.

She had no idea how long she sat under the tree, crying steadily as she safely tucked her memories away in an imaginary filing system. At some point after it had grown dark, she drifted off to sleep.

This time, she was performing an execution. She held no weapon, but her hands were covered in blood of several hues. This was a mass execution, and she was nearly done. Rather than feeling relieved, she was disappointed. Her fun was almost over. Her stomach churned with disgust, and a small voice in her head was trying to spoil her enjoyment. She ignored the alien feeling and took a few steps toward her final victim as a deep chuckle escaped her throat. A strange discomfort blossomed on the side of her head as she descended upon the final troll. She shrugged it off and wrapped her hand around the other troll’s throat, digging in her nails. She threw him like a ragdoll through the air and began her approach again. His whimpering was just too wonderful to stifle. The ache in her head suddenly became sharper, and she rubbed the sore spot.

She looked back to her victim and realized with horror that she had been toying with him. “Run,” she whispered to him. She turned her back on the poor troll only to be greeted by the sight of a pile of corpses. “No!” She had done this. She had killed them and thrown them into a mound, as if they were garbage. She cradled her head in her hands and screamed. “NOOOO!”

Her eyes snapped open just as the third rock collided with the side of her skull. For a moment, she forgot where she was. She glanced around in panic and spotted Vriska standing at the edge of the clearing.

Lexi put in serious effort to bring her expression to some level of calm. “What was that for?” She rubbed the side of her head where the rocks had hit.

“I wasn’t about to shake you awake after what happened the last time we were within five feet of each other,” Vriska replied.

“Why bother waking me up in the first place?” Lexi asked, getting to her feet. It was very dark; she must have been sleeping for a while.

“Rose mentioned you didn’t come back from your walk and asked some of us to help find you.”

“Why help?’

Vriska put her hands on her hips. “What the hell  _else_ is there to do around here? I was bored.” She scoffed. “I told them you would be fine and look! Here you are, napping under a tree like a wiggler, safe and sound.” She pulled out a small handheld device and began typing into it. “Everyone can calm the hell down. Serket is on it. Obviously.”

Lexi rolled her eyes, and she was glad all she felt was annoyed. It was good to know she could temper her hostility, even toward Vriska. “I’ll head back, I guess,” she said.

“You’ll understand if I don’t directly accompany you,” Vriska stated. She blasted off with her rocket boots, stirring up the blue gravel from which she had been picking throwing stones.

“Yeah, yeah.”


	8. Gamzee

Lexi made her way back to the compound. It was hard to miss the giant pillar beside which it sat. It looked like most of the others had returned and gone to sleep, having gotten Vriska’s message of success. Only Gamzee, Karkat, and John were in the living room when she walked through the door. She noticed that John and Karkat’s hands were just barely touching as they sat together on the couch. Karkat stood up immediately after she entered, however, so she only got a brief glimpse of the new couple’s affection.

“What in the name of your stupid myriad of maniacally tempered human deities do you think you were doing going off alone like that?” Karkat demanded in his usual loud voice. He only gave Lexi a split second window to answer before continuing. “Rose tells me you just up and left in the middle of one of her ludicrous therapy sessions as a complete emotional wreck. You proceeded to make the astoundingly wise decision to tell no one where you were going and proceed to take a fucking nap, which you are fully aware involves having dreams with which you are blatantly struggling to cope and DON’T YOU CROSS YOUR ARMS AT ME, YOU RECKLESS SHITSTAI—DID YOU JUST ROLL YOUR FUCKING EYES AT ME? YOU LOOK AT ME WHEN I’M—”

“KARKAT!” Lexi roared at the top of her lungs. Gamzee and John both jumped a little in their seats. Karkat fell silent as Lexi loomed over him. Her hands were shaking, but she held them down at her sides in tight fists. “Karkat,” she repeated at normal volume. “You’re right.”

Karkat gave her a blank look. “I am?”

Lexi took in a deep breath to calm herself. “Yes. I’m sorry I didn’t tell anybody where I was going. I just needed to be alone. I didn’t expect to fall asleep.” She tensed for a second, recalling the nightmare.

“Fine, just don’t do it again,” Karkat grumbled. He looked like he was about to say something else, but John put a hand on his shoulder.

“Come on, Karkat,” John said gently. “Let’s just all go to bed.”

“Fine,” Karkat conceded grumpily.

When she was sure John and Karkat were gone, Lexi turned to Gamzee. “Sorry, Gamzee,” she said.

“You had me in some wicked levels of worry for a while there, sis,” he said, standing up from the couch. “But it’s all good.” He put an arm around Lexi’s shoulders and gave her a concerned look. “What’s this about you sleepin’ out in the motherfuckin’ wilderness all by yourself?” Together, they started walking to their shared room.

Lexi told him how she had spent a large portion of the day going through her memories and just letting herself have a good, long cry. She exhausted herself and lost track of time, so she fell asleep. “Gamzee,” she said as she sat down on her bed. “You can sleep through my tossing and turning, can’t you?” She watched his reaction as he sat in the chair he had placed next to her bed a few nights before.

He stared at her for a long moment before answering levelly, “Yeah, I s’pose that’s the truth.”

Lexi decided not to press him further. “Then you should get some sleep, okay? I’ll be fine.”

He gazed at her through his tired eyes for a bit, but he eventually got up and trudged over to his bed. He pulled the covers over himself and faced the wall on his side of the room. Lexi made sure she heard him start to snore before she let herself sleep.

She slept solidly through most of the night, but her dreams eventually turned sadistic. She strolled across a battlefield, carrying a heavy, double-bladed axe in her hands. Her most recent opponents stained the ground behind her with their blood. She descended upon the next small group, cleaving through them like butter with her weapon. All the while, she cackled like a maniac. She was painting the battlefield every color of the rainbow. What a sight. She snapped awake as she was burying her axe into the skull of a terrified yellow-blooded troll.

Gamzee was sitting on Lexi’s bed, holding her hand. This was usually the extent of their physical contact, but Lexi couldn’t stand the nightmares anymore. She just wanted someone real that she could hold onto. She leaned forward and buried her head against Gamzee’s chest, making sure not to hit him with her horns.

“Hey, it’s gonna be alright,” Gamzee crooned. He didn’t pull away from the sudden close contact. Instead, he placed a hand on Lexi’s head to stroke her hair and leaned on his other arm to support their combined weight.

“It’s not me,” Lexi blubbered into Gamzee’s shirt. “It can’t be me. Please just tell me it isn’t _me_.”

“It ain’t you,” Gamzee assured her firmly. She could tell he understood.

“I don’t want to hurt them,” she insisted. “I don’t want to _enjoy_ hurting them. But every time I sleep…” Her voice broke into sobs, and it took her some time to recover. “I just want it to stop.”

Gamzee pulled her back a few inches and cradled her head in his hands. “It doesn’t stop,” he whispered. He had a pained expression on his face that Lexi could see clearly in the absence of his face paint. She felt one of his thumbs move back and forth along her cheek.

“I know,” Lexi whispered back. With her free hand—the one not clinging to Gamzee’s shirt for dear life—she reached up to reciprocate his gesture and lightly ran her thumb along the side of his face. Before she could stop herself, she let her head dart forward to lay a fast kiss on his cheek, right next to her hand. At his stunned expression, she hastily let go of his shirt and let her hands drop. “Sorry,” she apologized hurriedly.

She was about to turn her head to look away, but she still felt Gamzee’s hands on her cheeks. He gave her the strangest stare. He looked almost like he was arguing with himself internally. His expression flickered across the full spectrum of emotions. None of them frightened Lexi, not even the manic gleam she caught briefly in his eyes. She waited patiently, appreciating how nice it was that he still held her face in his hands. After several endless seconds, he began to lean forward. Lexi met him halfway, but she made sure to allow him to be the true initiator of the kiss.

He started off hesitant, lightly pressing his lips against hers. She gently curved her lips around his, careful not to return the pressure too aggressively. He pulled back briefly to gauge her reaction. When she smiled at him, he leaned in to kiss her again, more certain now. This time, she pushed back into him, bringing her own hands up to hold either side of his face. She was glad she had enough time to adjust to her new teeth, or this would probably be fairly painful. It was a fleeting thought, rapidly overshadowed by the feel of Gamzee’s lips on hers.

It was around the time she found herself thinking about reaching up for Gamzee’s horns that Lexi pulled away. She placed a hand on Gamzee’s chest and pulled back slowly. He briefly resisted, even whined the tiniest bit as she pulled away.

“I don’t know anything about the pacing of troll relationships,” Lexi panted. Her concentration on words was disrupted by a very odd sensation below her waistline. The extra sex hardware was seriously not helping with her emotional ignorance. “But I still don’t know you very well, and I’d like to.”

Gamzee laid down on the bed, and Lexi did the same, facing him and holding one of his hands in the space between. “Where would you wanna start? We are gonna get our reciprocation of information on, ain’t we?”

“Let’s start at the beginning. You first.”

“All right. Let’s motherfuckin’ see…well, when I was just a little troll, I had to figure out all kinds a shit on my motherfuckin’ own. Trolls like us have lusii that gotta be out at motherfuckin’ sea a lot, so…”

Gamzee’s childhood was not exactly an uplifting tale. Lexi felt guilty when it was her turn to talk about her own past. Humans had much easier lives than trolls. Gamzee was amazed at how social humans were without constantly fighting. Lexi had to remind him that there were plenty of violent places on Earth. She had just been lucky enough not to live there. After all, humans could be exceptionally violent. The nuclear apocalypse she had escaped was a case in point.

Eventually, sometime after recounting the highlights of third grade and Gamzee teaching himself to poorly ride a unicycle, they both fell asleep again. For Lexi, the following chunk of rest was one of the precious few devoid of nightmares.

_THREE WEEKS LATER…_

She woke with an arm wrapped around Gamzee’s waist. The nightmare faded quickly from her mind as she felt his chest rise and fall. She stifled a giggle at the realization that she was the big spoon. He was still out like a light, breathing deeply in his slumber. Lexi carefully slid out of the bed. Gamzee stirred slightly, but he didn’t wake. The guy could sleep like a rock or a delicate butterfly, depending on the day. Lexi gingerly covered him back up with the blanket before shuffling quietly out the door.

She decided it was a good thing she had closed the door behind her, because she could hear Karkat’s loud voice echoing all the way from the living room. She picked up John’s voice too, and she grinned mischievously as she tiptoed down the hall. She was approaching her old levels of dexterity, which meant her stealth was getting back up to snuff as well. Her footfalls were barely audible even to her own ears as she prowled toward the sound of Karkat’s voice.

She poked half of her head around the corner to see John and Karkat sitting together on the couch, watching what she could easily tell was one of Karkat’s troll rom-coms. She couldn’t see their expressions from her vantage point, but she could get the gist of the conversation. It was getting more adorable by the second, and she hoped she got to see a satisfactorily awkward kiss before her presence was discovered.

Karkat was busy explaining the convoluted relationships of the movie. “Okay, so that troll there is trying to keep the other two from engaging in a caliginous rivalry, which would make him an auspistice, not that he is any fucking good at it, but he has the right idea. Those two would be a complete disaster as kismeses.”

“Shh, Karkat, I am trying to listen,” John said. He really did appear to be making an effort at understanding the situation.

“The dialogue isn’t the point, John. It’s about the body language in this scene. See how those two are trying to be all threatening to each other and the third guy is like deliberately in between them?”

John turned his head toward Karkat. “Humans have body language too, Karkat,” he said in a miffed tone. “Shh.”

Karkat opened his mouth to stubbornly continue his explanation, but whatever he had planned to say next was cut off by John leaning in to kiss him. Lexi turned on her heel and dashed into the kitchen. She tried very hard not to let a strange alien mix between a squeal and a purr escape her mouth. She failed utterly at this attempt. Luckily, she had held it back long enough to have stuck her head into the open refrigerator door. She had forgotten just how cute she thought those two would be together.

Lexi remained in the kitchen and ate her breakfast, leaving John and Karkat in peace to watch their movie. She devoured the sausage eagerly; it had never tasted that good when she was human. She was finishing her glass of water when Aradia walked into the kitchen, looking like she hadn’t slept but still smiling wide.

“Lexi,” Aradia said excitedly. “I need to show you something!”


	9. Choice

Aradia led Karkat, John, and Lexi through the portal to Jade’s planet and began heading for the volcano.

“Uh, Aradia,” Karkat began uncertainly. “Have you even slept?”

“Nope!” Was her cheerful reply. She flashed another grin back at the concerned trio. “It doesn’t matter anyway! Come on!” She urged them to keep following her up the slope, to the volcano’s mouth. She turned to face them and flapped her wings, rising a few feet off the ground. “Down there,” she said, pointing.

Lexi carefully peered over the edge, seeing only the glowing red lava before registering what Aradia was pointing at. At the far side of the volcano, about a dozen feet below the top, a huge mural was carved into the wall. Two plain circles above a third, with lines carved between them to form a downward pointing triangle. The circle at the bottom point was slightly larger than the other two. Below the mural was a small ledge and a hole in the wall directly below the carving.

“I’ve been looking at it wrong this whole time,” Aradia said as the others stared. She pointed at the two smaller circles. “I thought those were moons.” She pointed to the larger circle at the bottom of the triangle. “And that was Alternia.”

“If it’s not that, what is it?” Karkat asked. “Not that it makes sense in the first place. Why would the humans’ session have a mural to Alternia?”

Aradia threw Karkat another oddly wide grin. “Exactly! It’s  _not_ a mural to Alternia, not entirely, at least.” She led them around the lip of the volcano and down a path to the small opening below the mural. She turned and began marching enthusiastically down the tunnel.

The other three followed hesitantly. Eventually it got too dark for John to see, so Karkat had to lead him by the hand. Lexi would have thought this was completely adorable, but she was busy concentrating on keeping her breathing even. She felt like she was walking to an execution, maybe even her own. When she saw a faint glow from deeper in the tunnel, she wasn’t sure if she was relieved or terrified. Her curiosity got the better of her though, and she kept following the others.

They reached a room with three glowing balls of light, placed on pedestals and forming a triangle like the one on the inside of the volcano. The tunnel ended here, and the far wall was covered in the game’s style of hieroglyphs. Lexi looked more closely at the three orbs. Each one was about the size of a person’s head, but she thought she saw…something inside one of them. It was hard to tell through the bright glow.

“The mural isn’t Alternia and its two moons,” Aradia said. She gestured to the three orbs. “It’s Alternia and two Earths.” She walked over to the symbols on the far wall. “I’ve seen that part of this volcano before. That mural and this place didn’t even  _exist_ until we decided to alchemize a sprite to try and help us leave the game.”

“But we didn’t get a sprite,” Karkat interrupted. “Eridan fucked it up, and we ended up sticking a human in a troll body.” He jerked a thumb in Lexi’s direction, and she flinched.

Aradia shook her head. “I don’t think Eridan messed it up after all. We asked the game for a way to leave, and I believe it has provided what we asked.”

The other three turned to look at Lexi, who shrank back a bit. “But I have nothing to do with any of this,” she insisted. “I should be dead right now, in fact. My planet got fried, remember?”

Aradia nodded. “I think that is the point. The two individuals closest to the incident were Sollux and Eridan. It makes sense that you were doomed, originally, and were given hope for a new life unexpectedly.”

“Yeah, except it doesn’t make sense either,” Lexi countered. “I still remember some of the explanations for classes and aspects. Eridan is a Prince; he’s supposed to destroy hope or something, isn’t that the deal with that class?”

“That is fair, but you have no hope of being human again, doomed to be a troll. I think the game may have been bending its own rules a bit on that point, in order to meet our goal of exiting.”

Lexi shrugged. ‘Doomed’ to be a troll was a tad harsh, even considering the nightmares. “Sure, whatever. So, what are these even for?” She waved at the orbs in question.

“I think there’s something inside this one,” John said. He approached one of the orbs and it began to pulse, not with a white light, but a blue one. “Oh, it’s the Breath symbol!” He pointed at the center of the pulsing sphere.

The others looked closer and saw the two curves for Breath shining in the depths of John’s orb.

“That’s new,” Aradia muttered to herself.

Karkat turned to the second orb, while Lexi looked at the third—she  _had_ seen something inside of it. Karkat approached his sphere, which began to shine with a deep red light, coming from the Blood symbol at its center. Lexi reluctantly stepped closer to the third sphere. The image in the center flickered between the bright, white symbol for Hope and the dark skull of Doom. The light faded and swelled as the two symbols alternated.

“Okay, so what are we supposed to do?” John asked. “How does this help us leave the game?”

Aradia smiled and rolled her eyes. “Well, you all have to touch them, duh!” Her face grew serious quickly. “Fair warning though. The writing here says that a Choice, similar to those presented by the denizens, must be made.”

Lexi had a feeling she already knew what Choice she would be making. “I think you guys have been stuck here long enough,” she said. She tried her best to smile, but her eyes were watering up. She placed a hand gently on the surface of the odd Hope/Doom orb.

John and Karkat shared a look with each other, neither one eager to imitate Lexi.

“It’ll be okay,” Lexi told them. “I promise.”

“Okay…” John said. He placed his hand on the Breath orb and gave Karkat an encouraging smile.

Karkat let out a frustrated huff and slammed his hand against his orb. “If this gets fucked up, I am going to feed you both your own bulges.” Then a white light overtook the three of them.

Lexi looked around at the white void. She remembered this place. Her mind had been suspended here while her new body was formed. John and Karkat stood on either side of her; the three of them faced each other in a triangle.

“The three have arrived,” said that monotone androgynous computer voice. “Accessing Failsafe protocol four hundred thirteen. Accessing Failsafe protocol six hundred twelve. Accessing Failsafe protocol one thousand twenty-five.”

John and Karkat looked around, confused. “What’s that voice saying?” John asked.

“Ugh, it’s got this undertone that fucking hurts my ears,” Karkat complained.

Lexi looked at the pair of them. “You don’t understand it?” John and Karkat shook their heads, so she translated. “It’s ‘accessing failsafe protocols’.”

“Conducting mental and physical scans,” the computer announced. Two little devices, identical to the one that had scanned Lexi while she was in this limbo the first time, popped into existence next to John and Karkat.

“Those are just scanners,” Lexi told the others, seeing Karkat raise a hand as if to swat the device next to him. The tiny machines scanned John and Karkat without incident and disappeared.

“Scan complete,” the computer proclaimed. “Alexia Duncan.”

Lexi jumped a little at the use of her full name. “Y-yes?” she answered timidly. John and Karkat looked at her like she was insane.

“I am programmed to present you with a Choice. Are you prepared to hear it?”

Lexi looked from John to Karkat and closed her eyes, letting out a long, bracing sigh. “I think so.”

“Very well. The first option is the salvation of your home planet at the cost of theirs.” Though there was no physical indication pointing at them, Lexi knew the computer was referring to John and Karkat’s planets.

“Could you…elaborate?” Lexi requested.

“Affirmative. Your family and friends would be restored, along with your entire society. The nuclear holocaust will not have happened. You would also be returned to your human form.”

“And the second option?” Lexi asked.

“The second option is the salvation of the troll and human populations which were destroyed as a result of this game. Likely relevant data: choosing the first option will result in a complete wipe of this reality. You may deliberate. Time is meaningless here.”

“I don’t need to deliberate,” Lexi told the computer. She looked at John and Karkat through tear-blurred vision. The white void took on a purple tint. “My planet had its chance.” She bowed her head.  _I’m sorry,_ Lexi thought.  _Goodbye._

“Option two has been chosen,” the computer droned. “Initiating automatic game completion override.”

The white void began to overtake them, and John pulled Karkat into a tight hug. A high-pitched mechanical whirring filled Lexi’s ears. She covered them and squeezed her eyes shut as the white light grew blinding. Whatever solid floor the computer had created disappeared, and she was floating. Her entire body began to tingle the way an arm or a leg would when it had fallen asleep. She couldn’t hear John or Karkat; she couldn’t even hear her own breathing as she floated in the painful brightness. Slowly, the tingling, the painful keening noise, and the bright light faded away, and she felt as if she was falling. Not quickly, though she had no idea what was slowing her momentum. She didn’t want to open her eyes to find out.

When she finally landed on solid ground, it felt like she was lying face down on something bendy and prickly. Wait…was it grass? She didn’t open her eyes to find out. Instead, she curled into a tighter ball and let herself cry. She had really done that, passed judgment on her entire civilization at the drop of a hat. But what right did she have to nullify the existence of two other worlds? They weren’t fictional. Realities removed, yes, but very real. She knew there was no right answer; she never cared much for utilitarian justifications anyway. She still felt horrible. She could have seen her family again, made the selfish choice. She could have been human again.

She wiped the tears from her eyes when she heard people around her start to stir. She looked around for the first time. She was kneeling in tall green grass, on a hill overlooking a small city. The others, all sixteen of them, were lying in the grass all around her, looking around in wonder.

“WE DID IT!” Feferi shouted. “WE MADE IT! AND WE’RE ALL HERE!” She pranced around the hilltop, swinging Nepeta in a circle through the air. Nepeta giggled and purred happily. Wait…was Feferi’s hair sort of…pink? And Nepeta, her hair seemed  _greener_ . Was that even a word? Their hair was still very dark, but it was like their blood color had been assimilated into it. Uh-oh.

“Holy shit, we made it,” Sollux said numbly. He was staring off into space, dumbfounded. His hair looked different too, like Lexi was looking at it through a yellow filter.

Lexi didn’t get to take in the other’s reactions or sudden changes to hairstyle, as John was busy tackling her into a warm, grateful hug. “Thanks,” he whispered, and Lexi hugged him back. “Hey, your hair is kind of…purpley-black,” he added, letting her out of his tight embrace.

When he pulled back to smile at her with his familiar, buck toothed grin, he had sharper teeth. Lexi’s heart sank into the core of the planet. She took in the sight of John’s gray face with pure horror. Where the whites of his eyes used to be there was only yellow. His eyes were still the same deep blue, but that really wasn’t helping with Lexi’s panic attack.

“Um, John,” she forced through her lips. Her eyes moved up to John’s horns, which were like a more deeply curved version of Gamzee’s. They swept sharply toward then away from each other before the tips pointed back out and downward. They were nestled in John’s mess of now blue-tinted black hair. Lexi felt herself start to cry as she pulled John back into a hug. “John, I’m so sorry,” she choked out. “I didn’t know this would happen.”

John squirmed out of Lexi’s arms, looking concerned. “What would happen? What’s the ma—” He stopped abruptly. He was too busy staring at his hand on Lexi’s shoulder. His very gray, very  _not_ human-skin-colored hand. “ _Oh._ ”

“Yeah,  _‘oh’_ ,” Lexi replied weakly.


	10. Home

Lexi felt the blood draining from her face as she looked around for Dave, Rose, and Jade. She spotted Kanaya holding Rose’s hands in hers. Rose seemed to be taking this rather well, judging by her mostly intrigued expression. Her horns were nearly the same as Lexi’s but with less of an inward curve. Terezi was poking at Dave’s new ram-like horns and sniffing him closely as he tried to brush her off. It was hard to tell how he was taking this with his stubborn coolkid façade in place. Lexi spotted Jade talking animatedly with Tavros, pointing to her head. Her horns were shaped like her old dog ears, but thinner and taller. As with the trolls’ blood color tinting their hair, it seemed the same had happened with the humans’ eye color. Jade’s black hair now carried a lime green tint. Rose and Dave were obviously no longer blonde, with lavender and red respectively tinging their dark hair.

The other three former humans seemed to be taking this in stride, for now at least. When Lexi looked back to John, however, he was still staring at his hands. She saw Karkat walking over then, a look of concern on his face.

“John,” Lexi prompted softly. She caught Karkat’s eye and looked back and forth between him and John, silently communicating a need for being gentle. When John did not respond, even when Karkat sat down opposite him, next to Lexi, she tried again, just a hair louder. “John.”

John’s eyes came back into focus, and he looked at Lexi and Karkat. “Sorry, I kinda zoned out there, heh.” He moved to rub the back of his head but hit his horns on the way there. He paused, running his hand along the shape of one. Lexi wasn’t entirely sure she understood the expression on his face.

Her opportunity to decipher John’s emotions was interrupted by Vriska shouting: “Hey! There’s a fucking mansion over here! And I think it’s _ours!_ Get over here and check this out, losers! Haha!”

Gamzee was there to help Lexi to her feet. His new dark purple hair looked fitting on him. She gave him a smile as he helped her up, then darted her eyes in John’s direction with a worried expression. Gamzee nodded in understanding and waited for Karkat and John to get up and walk with them toward Vriska’s voice. Sure enough, a giant, sprawling building was nestled at the base of the small hill. Lexi tracked the driveway leading up to it until it disappeared into the surrounding forest. She looked back over her shoulder at the city in the distance, wondering briefly what its name could be.

As the group approached the huge mansion and its beautiful sprawling, free-form garden, Lexi kept an eye on John. He seemed to be absorbed in the moment for now, so she went off with Gamzee to explore the house.

Gamzee let out a low whistle. “Motherfuckin’ fancy shit we got, right here,” he said appreciatively.

“Isn’t it the _best?!_ ” Vriska shouted from the floor above. She was leaning over the bannister, looking down as the others milled about below her. “We each have a room with our own symbol on it! Carved into the fucking _door!_ ” She let out a girlish squeal and disappeared from sight on the second floor.

“Huh, that’s weird,” Lexi mused. At Gamzee’s questioning look, she explained, “I don’t feel like ripping her head off. Just…regular old annoyed.” Lexi scrunched her brow in thought, trying to see if she could make herself really and truly violently angry with Vriska, but all she managed was a familiar distaste with the spider troll’s past actions. “Hm…” This was a pleasant development.

She walked with Gamzee through the first floor, which had an open floor plan and not much in the way of walls to divide the rooms. The only closed off area on the ground level was an impressively large library, which Rose was already perusing. A few of the others were relaxing in the enormous living room on various pieces of comfortable-looking furniture. In true cat fashion, Nepeta was napping while spread across both Feferi and Equius’ laps as they sat on one of the sofas. Lexi noted that Feferi’s fins had been replaced by ordinary troll ears, but she seemed not to care too much. Hopefully, Eridan was dealing with the change equally well, though Lexi did worry that he might not be. The kitchen and dining area were wide open and separated only partially by a long marble counter, around which were placed a handful of barstools. The last room on the first floor was through the kitchen, on the opposite corner of the house from the library. Curious about the placement, Lexi opened the door. Inside, she saw a beautiful, extremely fancy grand piano dominating the space. A few other instrument cases were stored in here as well, but damn that piano looked nice. There was also a pool table, with the triangle already filled and placed opposite the cue ball, ready for a game to begin.

Lexi and Gamzee made their way to the second floor, which had three hallways leading away from the large staircase in an upside down ‘T’ shape that also wrapped around behind them. The open square that overlooked the first level had a tall balustrade running along it. The level had a bedroom for everyone, as Vriska had claimed, with bathrooms spaced at regular intervals. Lexi and Gamzee’s rooms were at the end of the stem of the ‘T’, with their doors facing each other from across the hallway. The door at the very end of the hallway was another bathroom. Gamzee’s door had the Capricorn symbol carved into it and painted purple, while the butterfly Kanaya had sewn into Lexi’s shirts adorned her door in the same shade.

From down the hall, Lexi could hear Dave actually exclaiming for a change: “Sweet! My turntables!”

She wondered what would be in her room, as Gamzee looked at his own door with a sort of mystified air. They shared a nervous look, then opened the doors to their rooms simultaneously and walked inside. Lexi took in a sharp breath at the eerily familiar sight. Down to the position of dirty clothing on the floor, it was her room, exactly as she had left it back on Earth—her Earth, anyway. Her posters were in the same place, her desk, dresser, and bed were positioned in the same spots relative to the door, and even her blanket was messed up just the way she had left it. She could hardly believe this was real. She had to run her fingers over most of the objects in the room just to be sure. Then she had to lay down on her bed because she was actually too dizzy to stand.

Gamzee found her lying with her face in her pillow, weeping openly. She must have been making enough noise for it to carry through the open door, she realized.

“Hey now, sis,” Gamzee said softly. “You’ll be all up and motherfuckin’ stainin’ your—”

“Staining my pillow?” Lexi finished when he stopped speaking. She lifted her head to examine the damage she had already done, but her tears had left no color on the pillowcase, only dampened it.

“Your tears ain’t purple,” Gamzee said, completely astounded.

Lexi wiped some of the liquid from her cheeks and looked at the colorless moisture on her fingers. “They’re clear,” she observed. She gave her finger a lick. “And salty!” She beamed up at Gamzee. “They’re like human tears!”

“Well, that’s about the strangest motherfuckin’ thing to have change,” he said. “Not that I’m all about understandin’ this new hair thing either.”

“I like your hair,” Lexi said, smiling. She got off the bed and walked over to ruffle Gamzee’s new deep purple mess of locks.

Gamzee made a soft rumbling sound in the back of his throat and pulled Lexi into a quick kiss. “I’m likin’ yours too,” he said, and the smile he gave her was quite possibly the most beautiful thing Lexi had ever seen. When did she get so embarrassingly obsessed with him, anyway?

Before any serious making out had a chance to happen, they heard a loud voice shouting from the direction of the staircase.

“ATTENTION BULGE LICKERS.”

Obviously, it was Karkat.

“MEETING. DOWNSTAIRS. _NOW._ ”

The message was clearly for everyone, though it took Karkat some time to brow beat the more reluctant members of the group into coming downstairs. Eventually, everyone was in the living room, sitting on a piece of exquisite furniture or just standing around, waiting for whatever Karkat had to say. He was holding a stack of envelopes in his hands, for some yet to be explained reason. After giving everyone a good once-over glare, he finally began his speech.

“Now, these envelopes contain documentation of our existence on this planet.” Karkat handed out the envelopes as he spoke, each bearing the name of its intended recipient. “They were inside the mailbox. I believe they were generated by the game to allow us to integrate into whatever unholy hybrid society we’ve ended up creating here.” There were a few discomforted noises at the phrase ‘unholy hybrid,’ and Lexi did not miss that the loudest offenders were John and Eridan. Karkat continued as if he had not noticed any discomfort. Lexi opened her own envelope to find various identification documents. “Now, some of you may not have realized this yet, so I think now is a good time to get it over with and break it to you. Terezi? If you would be so predictably fucking disturbing, you have the floor.” Karkat stepped to the side to give Terezi the best spot for everyone to see her.

The blind troll grinned behind her glasses. “Now, try not to panic too much, everyone,” she cautioned, holding up her right hand. She had a small band aid placed over a cut on her index finger, and she swiftly ripped the covering off. Nearly every troll (original trolls) in the room gasped in shock. The wound on Terezi’s finger was not teal, but red, like Karkat’s, like a human’s. “It is reasonable to assume we all now share the same blood color,” Terezi said calmly. She plopped back down in her spot on the couch next to Dave. Equius looked like he was about to faint. Eridan didn’t look much better.

“Welcome to the fucking club, assholes,” Karkat muttered. “Back to more important shit. There’s no food anywhere in this place, and we only have two vehicles. Who knows how to operate the things sitting in the vehicle storage area without killing someone?”

Lexi was not surprised when she and John were the only ones to raise their hands. Trolls probably didn’t have cars on their old planet, or at least cars weren’t exactly common. Jade had lived on an island, and Rose’s mother had probably not been sober for long enough to teach. Lexi just didn’t care to wonder why Dave had never learned. There was a good chance Bro just hadn’t owned a car. As it turned out, only Lexi and John had received driver’s licenses in their envelopes as well.

“All right,” Karkat said. “John and Lexi will operate the vehicles. If we are going to have space for the truly vast amount of food we’ll be needing, only myself and one other person will be going along. Any volunteers?” Several people raised their hands excitedly, but Karkat saw the fastest hand. “Fine Strider, but you’re riding with the purp—I mean, the pointlessly tall girl.”

Dave stood and shoved his hands into his pockets, attempting to seem nonchalant. “Fine by me, Vantas. See you in the garage.” He sauntered for the front door.

Lexi wondered why Dave had even bothered volunteering if he was going to act so disinterested. Unless he wasn’t as cool with being a different species as he seemed. She put the excess paperwork in her room, stuck her new driver’s license in her pocket, and made her way down to the garage.


	11. Shopping

“So, the way I see it, Vantas is gonna fuck up something fierce and upset John,” Dave said. “That’s why I came on this grocery run.”

Lexi nodded. “I kind of expect that too,” she admitted. “John doesn’t seem to be taking this all that well compared to you guys.”

Dave snorted. “Look, I got my reasons for being okay with this. It’s John I’m worried about. So, I need to know: how did you deal with this?” Lexi could see him turning his head toward her out of the corner of her eye, but she had to focus on driving.

“Uh, wow, I hadn’t really expected you to just cut the bullshit that fast.” Lexi thought about her words before she responded, trying to ignore her curiosity about Dave’s mysterious ‘reasons’ for not being bothered by the change. “I mean, yeah I was freaked out about suddenly having a tentacle penis hanging out behind a curtain of solid tissue—” Dave winced a bit at that. “—but I was more put off by the fact that I actually tried to kill someone. I don’t think that’s really a factor anymore; I haven’t felt like feeding Vriska her own entrails or even growling at her since we got out of the game. Now that I have time to worry about my genitalia instead…” Lexi stopped and truly thought about how she felt about this. “I guess it doesn’t make me want to claw my way out of my own skin, for starters. I knew a couple people with gender dysphoria, and I haven’t felt what they described, I don’t think.” She wasn’t sure if Dave had tensed up or not, but she kept going. “I mean, it’s still new and weird, but I think I’m on my way to being okay with it. At least it’s not like I _lost_ anything, you know?”

Dave thought about her words for a few minutes. “I guess worrying about eviscerating someone without really wanting to would kind of make the new nether regions pretty secondary. And I guess you’re right about the not losing anything.” He looked about to say something else, but it was hard to tell while Lexi had to focus on the road.

Lexi caught a glimpse in her rear view mirror of John and Karkat driving behind her and frowned. “About that Vantas fucking up thing you mentioned,” she said.

Dave was probably rolling his eyes, judging from his posture. “Seriously? We didn’t even make it to the fucking store yet.”

Sure enough, they pulled into the store parking lot, and John nearly leapt from the driver’s seat, slamming his door. He walked over to Dave, completely ignoring Karkat, and started pulling his friend by the elbow toward the entrance.

Lexi gave Karkat as non-accusing a look as she could, then said, “Guess you’re shopping with me.”

Karkat refused to speak beyond reading off items from his list. He had presumably given the other one to John. Lexi was surprised he wasn’t unleashing a tirade of intricately woven insults. He actually seemed rather intimidated by the whole shopping experience, as the culture on this planet seemed much more human than troll. The greeter at the door had clearly weirded him out, and Lexi had to tug on his sleeve to get him to follow her. She had provided an explanation about how having someone at the door to greet customers was quite common back on Earth. Karkat had only grumbled something to himself and crossed his arms over his chest. Eventually, Lexi was pushing a completely full cart toward the check-out area, strangely silent Karkat in tow. She steered into a line that seemed safely distant from John and Dave, who were several yards away in their own line.

She noticed Karkat take a step in John’s direction, and she shot her hand out to grab the other troll’s arm. He winced a little and glared at her, but Lexi glared right back and shook her head firmly. She honestly couldn’t give a damn if her vice grip was hurting him.

“You’re riding with me,” she said angrily. She was very close to punching him already. Without him saying anything, she had time to imagine some of the highly insensitive things he may have said to John. It made her really and truly angry for the first time in a while, the kind of angry that came dangerously close to compromising her self-control. When Karkat opened his mouth to argue, she actually growled at him. “No discussion.”

She yanked Karkat back a few paces, almost resenting how light he was, like he should be making it more difficult, but he just stared at her and muttered, “Fucking fine,” under his breath.

John and Dave finished checking out first, and although she caught Karkat watching them walk away, he made no move to follow. She and Karkat split the cost between them with the cash that had come in the envelopes.

Finally, after they had loaded easily a hundred pounds of foodstuffs into the trunk and backseat of the car, Karkat decided to speak.

“All right, so I don’t fucking get it, okay?!”

“Get what?” Lexi asked, though she was pretty sure she knew.

“What his fucking hold up is,” Karkat clarified. “All I was doing was explaining his anatomy to him, and he started losing his shit like a fucking wiggler. So I told him to stop being so stupid and childish about it and just fucking deal with it.”

Lexi could already feel another legitimate growl bubbling in her vocal chords. “You told him he was being stupid and childish,” she repeated flatly. She let her lip raise just a little, enough to show her longer fangs.

Karkat picked up on the cue, fidgeting slightly, but he pressed on stubbornly. “It _is_ stupid for him to freak out. We’re stuck this way now, and the sooner he grows up and fucking deals with that, the bet—”

Unfortunately, Karkat had not had the foresight to wait until he was on the opposite side of the car from Lexi before starting this conversation. They were still standing beside each other next to the trunk. The halt in his speech was caused by Lexi punching him squarely in the face. _God, that felt good,_ Lexi thought. Another panicked part of her was scrambling to cling to rational thought.

“What the nook-licking fuck was that for?!” Karkat demanded, holding his nose.

Lexi loomed over him, feeling the low rumble in her throat building. “For being an insensitive prick to your boyfriend. I get that trolls probably don’t have this concept, being hermaphroditic and all, but it’s called dysphoria, and it is terrifying and awful.”

“You seem to be doing just fucking fine,” Karkat retorted. To Lexi’s surprise, he actually reared back to punch her. She dodged a bit late, taking the blow in the shoulder rather than the face. He moved to kick her in the gut, but she caught his foot almost instinctively. She had practiced that self-defense move quite a bit back in the days of her lessons.

She shoved Karkat’s leg up into the air, causing him to fall flat on his ass. She sat down on his stomach and wrapped a hand around his neck. She didn’t bother to hide her teeth anymore, baring them in an open snarl. The look on Karkat’s face was strange, but she ignored that. She was expending a lot of effort not to crush his windpipe while simultaneously being terrified that she would even consider doing that. “I am doing fine because I had other problems to deal with,” Lexi spat. Then something occurred to her. “How many times did you wish your blood was blue, or even anywhere on the hemospectrum? It’s like that.”

Karkat winced. Good, she’d hit home with that one. She let go of him and moved to let him up, but he took advantage of her posture and threw a punch into her cheek to throw her off balance. She wasn’t sure if the growl that came from him was entirely angry. He had her pressed against the wheel of the car now. The odd look on his face was back as he leaned in and shoved his lips against hers.

Lexi shoved Karkat away and stood up. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“ME? _YOU’RE_ THE ONE WHO STARTED IT,” Karkat shouted back. “I thought you were trying to communicate something caliginous, you ignorant fuckwad!”

Lexi actually face-palmed. “Oh my god, _no_ ,” she said firmly. “I punched you in the face because you were being a shithead to John. End of story. You don’t get what John is going through, but could you at least try to _care?_ ” When Karkat looked unsatisfied, she added, “Look, you’re just not…what’s the word? I dunno...I don’t want to punch you in the face _and_ kiss you, just the first one for being such a fuckface.” She trudged over to the driver’s side of the car. “Get in, damn it.”

Karkat slid into his seat and sulked as he buckled up. “Fine, I’ll be fucking sensitive about it,” he conceded. “But because I do actually give a damn about how he feels, not because _you_ asked.”

Lexi scrunched her face in disgust. “You could stand to be less shitty about it.” She caught a glimpse of disappointment on Karkat’s face as she turned her head and backed out of the parking space. “Sorry,” she added quietly.

Karkat scowled and slumped back in his seat as they rode back to the house. It was adorable, but that’s all. She didn’t think it was attractive, or infuriating. She got the feeling that apologizing had only made him feel more put out. Meanwhile, she was just glad she hadn’t horribly maimed him.

The others were nearly finished unloading John and Dave’s car when Lexi and Karkat pulled up behind them. Feferi and Nepeta skipped over to start on the second round of unpacking. Lexi and Dave both watched uneasily as Karkat walked over to John, but the blue eyed boy didn’t seem so angry anymore. Lexi wondered why Dave wasn’t sticking close by his side. That was unusual. She sighed and tried to focus on something else, just for a few minutes. Oh yeah, she had picked up a special surprise for Gamzee. She grabbed the two bags and strode over to him. His face lit up when he saw the six large bottles of Faygo Lexi had snuck into the cart just for him.

“You are the motherfuckin’ best, sis,” he said as he beamed at her.

Gamzee didn’t mind that Lexi wanted to spend the night in her own room. She didn’t even have to explain. She liked how Gamzee just understood things, or maybe he just didn’t feel the need to understand everything. Either way, it was nice. She was fairly sure the nightmares would be gone, and if she did have fitful dreams, that they would be ordinary, _human_ ones. She was right, too. She drifted into the familiar, foggy scape of her dreams, all of them running together just as they used to. She wasn’t able to remember anything beyond the lack of troll nightmares, but that was alright with her. Perhaps part of why she wasn’t able to remember them because someone was shaking her awake right in the middle of a REM cycle.

“Hrm? Da fuck is it?” Lexi mumbled groggily. “Was havin’ nice dreams.” She rubbed her eyes and tried to discern the shape of the person shaking her shoulders. Her eyes didn’t adjust as fast to the dark anymore.

Their voice gave them away. “Um, Lexi?” It was John. He sounded like he was crying. “Can I talk to you?”


	12. Tigger

Lexi was sitting upright in her bed in half a second. Her head spun, but she shook it off. She patted the mattress space next to her and let John lean on her shoulder when he sat down. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and realized he was shaking. Her eyes adjusted to the point where she could see the tears on his cheeks. She hugged him close, and he clung to her like he would drown without her. His new nails dug in a bit painfully, but she didn’t flinch.

“I had to go to the bathroom,” John said, though it sounded like he was describing walking to the gallows. Lexi rubbed his back and waited patiently for him to continue. “Everything feels so _wrong_ ,” he sobbed into her shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, John,” Lexi said.

He shook his head rapidly and looked up at her with his glistening blue eyes. “No, don’t say that,” he begged. “Don’t be sorry. You gave up your planet for us. We weren’t even _real_ to you, before. Please, don’t be sorry.” He hugged her even tighter, and this time she betrayed how much his claws hurt with a tiny involuntary grunt of pain. “Oh,” he squeaked, instantly loosening his grip.

“It’s okay, John,” Lexi hurriedly assured him.

He shook his head again, looking down at the floor. “It’s not. It’s not okay.” He drew in a ragged breath. “I tried to talk to Dave about it, but he…”

“Dave said he wanted to help you. What happened?”

“He, well, I don’t know if I should say anything.” John’s fingers tightened on the edge of the bed.

Dave’s earlier behavior actually made perfect sense now. “He was trans,” Lexi guessed.

John looked up at her, startled and hurt. “How did you know? Did he tell you?”

“No,” Lexi said. “I just had a feeling. He hinted at it while we were going to the store, but he didn’t say.”

John sniffled. “I know he probably knows how I feel the most, but he seems so happy, and I don’t want to bring him down. I mean, it’s not that I want to make you feel down, I just—ugh I’m not great at this. I just don’t want…I don’t want to think about it. Except that’s all I can do, is think about how nothing feels the same and I have this new…and my… _everything_ is different.”

“John, you can talk to me about it,” Lexi tried to say lightly. “You can say penis or bulge or nook or whatever. I won’t get grossed out.”

John squirmed uncomfortably. “Yeah but, you’re…you know. You’re a girl.”

Lexi chuckled at that comment. “Okay, so my pronouns are feminine,” Lexi agreed. She kept her face calm and gentle as she chose her next words. “But you know that trolls only have one physical sex, right?”

John nodded reluctantly. “I know, I know, but I don’t really like talking about this stuff _at all_ . Then all of a sudden, I can’t stop thinking about it and I just need to tell somebody about it but now I’m here and I just _can’t_.”

He started to shake with sobs again, and Lexi pulled him back into a hug. She ran a hand through John’s hair, careful not to touch his horns. John inhaled deeply with his head against her shoulder, and suddenly, he seemed to relax. “You smell nice,” he mumbled. Lexi felt his head grow heavier as his shaking subsided. She made soft shushing noises and rocked back and forth until his breathing evened out. When something like a purr started to come from John, Lexi was surprised to hear herself making the same noise. He tensed up in her arms when he registered the sound, but he didn’t pull away. “What _is_ that?” John asked.

Lexi laughed softly and kept running her hand through John’s hair. “Probably us being—how did Eridan put it?—so pale we’d make him want to vomit.” Lexi had noticed that John smelled pretty soothing himself, but she decided against mentioning it. “Did you want me to stop doing whatever the hell it is I’m doing?”

“No, it’s actually really nice,” he admitted. “It’s the first nice thing I’ve felt.”

John pulled his head back to look at her again. His eyes weren’t clouded with tears this time. “Did you feel this bad at first?” he asked.

“Not about…anything physical,” Lexi said. “I was weirded out by that, obviously, but not like this. Not the way you are.” John’s face fell, but Lexi quickly explained. “John, I wasn’t me on the inside anymore either. You remember what I tried to do to Vriska when I saw her. My head wasn’t even my own anymore. My body was just some extra complications at that point.” Maybe it still was. She had nearly lost control while fighting Karkat earlier that day. Hopefully John attributed her shudder to just the Vriska memory.

“Oh, wow,” John said sadly. “I didn’t even think of that. I feel the same as ever, on the inside, at least.”

“Yeah, I think that’s the deal with this new planet. You should get some sleep.”

John nodded solemnly. Then he gave Lexi a questioning look. “Can I stay here tonight? Is that too weird?”

“It’s not weird to not want to be alone, John,” Lexi said. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Okay.”

Lexi handed him her stuffed tiger and separated her mound of pillows so they each had a few. She crossed the hall and went into Gamzee’s room. She hated to wake him from his first night without nightmares, but she didn’t want him to get the wrong impression when he saw John sharing her bed. She hesitated and looked at his slumbering face. He slept with his mouth wide open, of course, which made him preposterously cute. She got to see him without his makeup when he went to sleep. His scars didn’t bother her, but they bothered him. She sighed and shook him awake, informing him of the situation.

Gamzee’s response was to kiss her and nod knowingly. “Yeah, blue kid didn’t seem motherfuckin’ excited about not bein’ human anymore. I get it.”

Lexi gave Gamzee a hug, apologized for waking him, and went back to her room. John was curled around her stuffed tiger in the fetal position, but at least he wasn’t crying. It was a pretty awesome stuffed animal, after all. Lexi climbed over John and laid with her back against his on her half of the bed. It was a single, so they didn’t have much room to work with. She was going to have a hard time falling asleep again.

“His name’s Tigger,” she told John.

“Huh?”

“The tiger,” Lexi clarified. “You can keep him, if you want.”

“I’m nineteen,” John said. “I don’t need a stuffed animal.” He made no move to let go of Tigger, though; Lexi would have felt the mattress shift.

“Goodnight,” Lexi said, smiling.

“Night,” John yawned back.

Thankfully, John didn’t toss around very much in his sleep, not until he was having a nightmare, at least. Lexi woke to his whimpering before John was conscious himself. When he did wake, he snapped into a sitting position so fast he nearly head-butted her. She had to soothe him twice during the night over his dreams. It wasn’t hard to figure out their subject matter from the way he kept saying “wrong, wrong, _wrong_ ” and “it’s not fair” through his sobs. Lexi managed to calm him down faster each time with what she began to understand was her style of shoosh-pap, a thought which made her roll her eyes at its absurdity.

She also suspected, judging from how John would take in deep breaths through his nose, that she was giving off more than a simply pleasant scent. She was probably exuding some sort of moirallegiance pheromone. God, polyamory was hard. She didn’t really have a better way to describe the quadrants. Hell, she didn’t even know if it was technically okay to let John have a sleepover, even if it was platonic. Gamzee seemed to be chill with a few things that the other trolls found offensive, so he might not be the best source of advice. She should probably talk to Nepeta or Equius about John. She looked down at him; he was snuggling Tigger and breathing deeply again. She wasn’t sure she had a word for the kind of adorable he looked. It wasn’t how she thought of Gamzee, but it was certainly…something. A yawn forced its way out of her mouth. She would worry about quadrants in the morning. John was getting sleep, and she should too.

“WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THE AWFUL, REPULSIVE, SHRIEKING HORRORTERRORS OF PARADOX SPACE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!”

Lexi’s eyes snapped open and immediately narrowed into slits. Of course Karkat would be in her room, yelling, waking John up like an insensitive prick. She refused to be embarrassed that John was currently unwrapping his arm from around her waist. The stuffed tiger was squished between them.

“Get the fuck out of my room, Karkat,” Lexi said as calmly as she could. She would have to wake up a bit more before coming up with anything better to say. She hated being woken up by anything but her alarm, and she hated that alarm too.

“We weren’t doing anything,” John assured Karkat hurriedly. “Honest!”

“Oh, I see,” Karkat spat back. “Then would you care to explain how clinging to this grubmuncher”—he jabbed a finger in Lexi’s direction—“is ‘nothing’ John?” He turned his gaze on Lexi then. “And _you_. Does Gamzee know about this?”

“Yes, he knows,” Lexi answered levelly. “Nothing flushed is going on here. John was upset, I calmed him down, and he asked if he could sleep over.”

Karkat seemed to be choking on something as he stared at Lexi. He eventually decided to ignore her and looked to John instead. “Is that the truth?” His shoulders fell a little when John nodded. Lexi was unmoved, but John jumped from the bed to wrap Karkat in a hug.

“I’m sorry, Karkat,” John said earnestly. “It’s just that you hardly had to change at all, and I just figured Lexi would understand.”

Karkat gave Lexi a warning glare before responding to John in a startlingly gentle tone. “Fine, I’m not fucking mad. I get that you are not taking this well. Just warn me next time you go seeking platonic comfort from _her_.”

John kept hugging Karkat but pulled back to look at his face. “What’s your problem, Karkat?”

“Nothing,” Karkat covered quickly. “Can we just fucking _go?_ ”

John didn’t protest, but he did carry Tigger out the door with him. Lexi suspected the toy carried her scent. Hopefully it would be enough to keep John calm. Hopefully Karkat would be good on his word and try to be sensitive. Lexi plopped down on her bed with a sigh and looked at her alarm clock. Five. Five in the god damned morning?! She was going to platonically kick Karkat’s ass for waking her up this early. Actually, she would prefer stringing him up like a piñata and taking a baseball bat— _no, no, NO,_ she thought with panic. She didn’t want to think about hurting people. She shoved her face against her pillow and tried to remember John’s soothing scent. Apparently John wasn’t the only one who needed to stay calm.


	13. Acoustic

After spending a good hour tossing about on her mattress, failing to fall back asleep, Lexi grunted in frustration and reached under her bed. It was there, exactly where she had left it. She pulled the handle and lifted the large case onto her bed. She freed the acoustic guitar from its prison to run her fingers along the familiar strings. Her callouses were gone; she couldn’t play for very long, so she picked her songs carefully. She moved to her rolling chair and faced the window in her usual spot. She played with just her fingers, as the pick would magnify the sound. Equius might still be sleeping in the room next to hers, considering how early it was.

She heard someone walk in as she prepared to start her last song. Her fingers could only tolerate one more. She looked up to see Gamzee sitting on her bed.

Lexi smiled at him. “I’d take requests, but I don’t think I’d know anything you know. Besides, I still have some angst to get out.” She hefted her guitar. “This song is supposed to have like a forty second intro, but fuck that. It’s called ‘The Joker and the Thief’.” Obviously the song wasn’t made for an acoustic guitar, but Lexi had practiced making it sound all right. Gamzee seemed to enjoy it, at least. Good enough for her.

“You don’t like to sing, sis?” Gamzee asked when she finished.

Lexi shrugged. “Don’t really have the range for a lot of the songs I like, so I usually don’t bother. Plus that one hurts my voice.” She inhaled sharply when she let her fingers off the strings. “Can’t play anymore right now though. No callouses. Trolls get those, right?”

Gamzee chuckled and nodded. “How you likin’ not havin’ them motherfuckin’ Alternia dreams?”

Lexi leaned her guitar against the wall and joined Gamzee where he sat in the center of her bed. “It’s nice to just have regular dreams again, but I guess it’s new for you. Are you okay with it?”

Gamzee gave her a strange look. “I ain’t so sure about it,” he murmured, looking sad.

Lexi took hold of his hand. “Why?”

Gamzee stared back at her, almost like he was waiting for her reaction to what he was about to say. “Take away what my fuckin’ ancestors did from my head, and I’m all up and left with just the motherfuckin’ shit  _I’ve_ done. I don’t dream about it all the time, but it’s motherfuckin’ enough to make a motherfucker wish he wasn’t all alone in his head when he slept.”

Lexi hadn’t realized this might happen to him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” she apologized. She leaned in and planted a full kiss on Gamzee’s lips. Then she playfully tackled him down into the pillows and laid fiercer kisses on him. He was more than happy with this turn of events, running his hands through her hair and eagerly starting their usual tongue-wrestling match. Lexi was just as enthusiastic in her participation, and for the first time, she let her hands move forward in Gamzee’s hair. She lightly ran the fingertips of her hand around the base of his right horn, then the left, then both at once.

At first, his only reaction was a hitch in his breath as he continued to kiss her. Then a soft, affectionate growl bubbled up from deep in his chest, and Lexi automatically imitated the sound. Gamzee slowly moved his hands, one to her hip and one to her back, and pulled her body up against his. He didn’t do it forcefully. Lexi could have resisted if she wanted, but she didn’t. She was tired of being scared of that alien-but-now-familiar feeling of arousal. Honestly, it didn’t bother her anymore, especially after seeing John’s reaction to his own changes. That had just made her realize that she had never really been that put off by it. It helped that Gamzee never made a move he thought she would be uncomfortable with. And maybe it helped a little that Lexi had done this sort of thing before. It’s not like she’d never been in a relationship.

She ignored the memories of her old life as she let Gamzee pull her close. In the weeks she had been stuck in the game, she had spent a lot of time learning about him. Not much else to do in a frozen session besides tell each other stories. She knew that he felt lost. He didn’t talk about miracles or his religion, not ever. He had lost his faith. He wore his face paint to cover his scars, but only for that. More than once, he’d called himself a monster. She had caught him off guard when she told him she didn’t really believe in much of anything either. It was okay not to, she said. He had started to cry when she told him that. Everything she learned about him just made her feel the love trolls designated for the flushed quadrant. It was strange, feeling this way so quickly. She had always taken things slowly when it came to affection. Then again, no one had ever understood her so well before. She had never enjoyed someone’s very presence so much before. So yes, this was strange, but it was also fantastic.

Instead of pulling away when she felt blood rushing to a point below her waist, she moved her lips to Gamzee’s neck and began laying kisses and brief nibbles from his collarbone up to the base of his ear.

“Damn,” he said breathlessly as he ran his fingers down her back.

When his hands strayed farther down, she rocked her hips firmly against his and carefully bit the sensitive spot beneath his ear. She smiled at the low moan he let out; it was convenient to be nearly his height. “Tonight?” she whispered against his neck, hoping her implication was clear. “I’m just way too hungry right now.” She lifted her head to look at his face while her stomach rumbled insistently. She’d been awake for an hour already. Breakfast was overdue.

Gamzee just stared at her, mystified. His expression flickered between disbelief and anxiety.

Lexi gave him an uncertain look. “Did you not want to?” She was worried she might have dropped a bombshell he wasn’t expecting, not yet at least. She moved to withdraw some of the pressure she was placing on him with her hips.

Gamzee pulled her forward again, finding his voice. “How come you ain’t motherfuckin’ scared of me?” She hadn’t expected that to be his response, nor did she expect the strain in his voice. His eyes were searching hers.

He wouldn’t find what he was looking for. “You do the opposite of scare me,” she stated certainly. She lightly placed her fingers on his painted cheek and took care not to make any more smudges. “With or without this on.”

Gamzee pulled her into another kiss, then released her. “I don’t motherfuckin’ understand you.” He said it like she was the most wonderful mystery to him, with this soft fondness only she got to hear. He rarely spoke to anyone else besides Karkat, and never like this. He stared at her with a tiny smile on his face before speaking again. “You wanna do that…tonight?” His tone was uncertain, nervous, and hopeful all at once.

Lexi smiled and kissed him quickly before rolling out of her bed. “Tonight.” She paused in the doorway. “As long as nobody has a nervous breakdown today.”

Gamzee just chuckled. “Fair enough, wicked sis.”

She strode quietly down the staircase and into the kitchen. She smiled at the sight of Nepeta and Equius. Well, that was easy. She could eat  _and_ get the low-down on moirallegiance. Equius was busy frying some sausages as Nepeta put some plates next to the stove.

The sleeves of Nepeta’s long coat flapped with excitement when she saw Lexi. “Good morning!” she chimed cheerfully.

Lexi smiled and waved at the pair of them. She hoped her association with Gamzee wouldn’t preclude their help.

“Good morning, highbl—uh, erm…good morning.” Equius was clearly not taking the everyone’s-blood-is-the-same-now phenomenon too well. Nepeta patted his shoulder in a comforting gesture.

Lexi grabbed the package of bacon from the fridge and fished another frying pan from the cabinets. “Could I ask you guys about moirail stuff?” She asked as she placed her pan on the burner diagonally opposite the one Equius was using.

“Oh, you mean about John?” Nepeta bobbed happily next to Lexi. She was so tiny; her horns fell a few inches short of Lexi’s shoulder.

“You already know?” Lexi wasn’t sure if she was supposed to feel embarrassed or not.

Nepeta giggled. “Karkat’s room is next to mine. I could hear his grumpy shouting.” She didn’t sound exceptionally annoyed by this fact. “It was hard not to tell Karkat was upset that you did so well making John feel better.”

“Ugh, tell me about it.” Lexi rolled her eyes dramatically. “Anyway, I have no idea what I’m doing, and you guys have been meowrails—”Lexi smiled when Nepeta squeaked with joy at the pun—“since forever, so I was wondering if you could tell me the basics.”

They talked about the pale quadrant as the bacon and sausages cooked on the stove and all through their meal together. Lexi was surprised at how much input Equius had, when he wasn’t pulling his abdominal muscles as he strained not to address her as ‘highblood’. He focused on the art of knowing when to be firm with your moirail, for their own good, but he also stressed the importance of being gentle. Nepeta described the various placation behaviors, differentiating them from flushed gestures. She demonstrated the purring noise as she rubbed her head against Equius’ shoulder. She poked him in the ribs until he reluctantly imitated her, though Lexi could see some tension leave his shoulders. Still, it was odd to hear the noise coming from him. It was more of a deep rumble that somehow perfectly synchronized with Nepeta’s higher pitch.

“I take it sleepovers are more of a ‘warn their matesprit first’ kind of deal though,” Lexi was half-asking, half-guessing.

Equius nodded. “Yes, it is wise to make sure ones romantic partners, conciliatory and concupiscent, are aware of the situation.”

Lexi shrugged. “I was a little too pissed at Karkat to bother telling him.”

Nepeta twitched her tail mischievously. “Did you upset Karkat on purrpose?” she teased with a playful wink.

“Only platonically for hurting John’s feelings,” Lexi said, making a swift cutting motion in the air with her left hand. “Unfortunately, I don’t think he’s happy that I don’t actually hate him. Why did quadrants have to carry over? This shit is hard.” Lexi groaned and rested her forehead on the edge of the table so she could stare at her shoes. “Besides, shouldn’t Dave be John’s moirail anyway? Aren’t they supposed to be best friends?”

Equius cleared his throat. The absence of addressing Lexi as a superior was nearly palpable, but he managed it. “It seems you confuse the concept of moirail and ‘best friend’. While it is true that often one’s moirail is also one’s best friend, this is not always the case. You see, a best friend can be chosen, but moirallegiance is fated.” He quickly continued when he saw the skeptical look on Lexi’s face. “More scientifically speaking, it is an instinctive connection, involving specific hormones, body language, and various behavioral cues. I assure you, John did not make an error seeking the level of comfort it seems he required.” Equius’ face grew sad then, and Nepeta purred and rubbed her head against his shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” Lexi had never seen Equius so shaken up.

“Equius hasn’t accidentally broken anything since we got here,” Nepeta said solemnly.

It took Lexi a moment to understand. Luckily, she didn’t word vomit anything insensitive before realizing what this meant. Equius wasn’t ridiculously strong anymore. “Sorry,” she said sincerely.

“It’s quite alright,” Equius reassured her lamely. “I am still far above average. I just miss being so  _strong._ And yet…” He gave Nepeta a one-handed hug, and she beamed up at him. “Worse things could have happened.”

Well, at least Nepeta was helping him adjust. Lexi excused herself from the kitchen then and thanked them for their advice. She had been meaning to take a walk outside. She needed some alone time. This new planet looked a lot like Earth, but she wanted to investigate the differences she could find. For one thing, the sun was a few shades closer to orange now than yellow. The map Rose had shown them in one of the library’s encyclopedias depicted three large continents with a few smaller landmasses about half the size of Greenland, plus several archipelagos spread about the equator. The configuration was just as new to the Alternians as it was to the Earthlings. Lexi had just set foot in the garden, wondering how familiar the plant life would be, when Karkat practically sprung from behind the nearest bush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know I haven't updated in ages. My life went a little haywire before it finally stabilized. Sorry about the wait.


	14. Blue

Lexi did her best not to indicate any hostility toward Karkat’s sudden aggressive appearance, but it was not easy to hide her annoyance. She was more than annoyed, actually. She was pissed. He had caught her off guard. She crossed her arms over her chest and shifted her weight onto one foot to seem relaxed. “Sup?”

Karkat took a step forward. His hands were balled into fists at his sides. “I want you to stay the fuck away from John.”

Lexi loosened her interwoven forearms in case Karkat decided to throw a punch. “Karkat, John came to find me yesterday, not the other way around.” She kept her tone cool and rational, though she doubted she could keep the conversation civil for long.

Karkat took another step forward. He was within arm’s reach now. “Then John can find another moirail,” he spat contemptuously.

Keeping her breathing even was becoming a struggle. “I’m told that’s not how it works,” Lexi replied. She looked Karkat over, trying to understand his body language. It wasn’t hard to differentiate his usual anger from what she was learning was his blackrom posture. She got the sneaking suspicion this discussion wasn’t actually about John. “You’re just trying to piss me off, aren’t you?”

Karkat made a frustrated gurgling noise and glared at her. “Points for the top marks genius. Good for you! You figured me out! Feel free to revel in your own incredible majesty as the rest of us dipshit paste eaters look on in sheer amazement!” Then he reached out and shoved her backwards so hard she stumbled back a few paces before catching herself.

“Stop that,” Lexi warned firmly. She could feel the adrenaline—or whatever trolls had—start to kick in, but she refused to retaliate. Hopefully he would get the message.

Karkat shoved her again. “I’ll stop when you admit how you feel.”

Lexi failed at suppressing her reactionary growl this time, but she still made no move to push him back. “I don’t hate you. Quit being such a little shit.” Ugh, maybe that last part should have stayed inside her head. She needed to get out of here.

Karkat’s expression grew excited at the insult. This time he threw most of his weight at her, and she hit the ground hard. She managed not to let her head snap back against the ground, but her backside was not so fortunate. A rather alarming snarl tore its way through her teeth, and Lexi sprang back to her feet. “Stop,  _now_ ,” she seethed. She did her best to blink the red haze from her eyes. Her shoulders shook and her hands balled into fists as she retreated back a few steps.

Karkat was apparently terrible at differentiating simple anger from blackrom, because he drew back and punched her right in the gut.

The blow didn’t set Lexi off balance this time, but it snapped her self-control. Through a filter of red, she saw her fist fly into the side of Karkat’s jaw. She could hear the primal bellow reverberating from deep in her throat. Karkat’s suddenly fearful expression only made her second punch contact with even more fervor. A feral smile split her face as she bent her knees to lunge forward. She tackled Karkat to the ground and landed on top of him. She clawed viciously at his shirt, his arms, his face, as he tried to shove her off. Everything was red, like the blood she had drawn so far. Karkat finally managed to kick her away.

He threw his hands out in front of himself. He was saying something, but it didn’t reach Lexi’s ears. She was readying another charge at him. His terrified expression was like a drug. She bounded forward, but instead of tackling Karkat, her momentum was directed abruptly sideways. Her right arm was pinned as she hit the dirt path. She tried to shove the strange weight off with her left arm and leg, but whoever it was had wrapped around her inextricably.

“Lexi!” John gasped. “Lexi!” He shouted her name a few times, trying to hold her still as she thrashed in his grip. All her aggression was focused on Karkat; none of her movements had the potential to hurt John directly. “Lexi, look at me!” John shoved his forehead against hers then and started up the purring noise that had helped him calm down before. That seemed to do the trick. The light of awareness came back to Lexi’s eyes, and she immediately began to panic. John stopped constricting her entirely and opted for letting her hold onto him like a life raft.

“Oh, god,” she spluttered into his shoulder. She lifted her head to look at Karkat, then hid her face again the instant she made eye contact. “I’m sorry, Karkat. I don’t know what happened. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m s-s-so—” Lexi’s speech dissolved into sobs. John stroked her hair gently and glanced in Karkat’s direction.

The other boy was completely stunned. After a while, he said, “It’s…it’s not your fault.” Lexi caught a glimpse of his abashed expression as he turned to leave the garden. “Don’t worry about it.” Karkat disappeared into the house.

“He’s gone,” John whispered.

Lexi struggled to get her ragged breathing under control. “I th-thought I didn’t have to deal with this anymore. I-I just got so  _angry_ , a-and then I—” She cut off then and buried her head against John’s shoulder. She took in deep breaths of whatever John’s calm-the-fuck-down scent was.

John waited patiently for her breathing to become steady. “Lexi, what happened?”

“He thought I had black feelings for him. He was trying to get a rise out of me.”

“Oh…um, do you?” John clearly felt awkward discussing his boyfriend’s romantic relations.

“No,” Lexi told John. “That’s part of the point. See, when he was shoving me, I wasn’t pushing him back, but not just because I don’t feel that way about him.” She took a deep breath. “I didn’t want to fight him and kiss him. I wanted to do terrible things. Like, rip out his spleen and make him eat it.” Lexi’s shoulders started to shake. “It’s sick, I know. I never used to think those kinds of things when I was human. But they’re stuck there now. I’m stuck like this.” She squeezed her eyes shut and lowered her head.

John wrapped Lexi in a tight hug. “Hey,” he said softly. “I won’t let you hurt anybody, okay?”

That was a promise Lexi was relieved to hear. “Okay…sorry for beating up your boyfriend.”

John squeezed Lexi’s shoulders. “You already apologized. He’ll be okay. Um, so, what were you doing out here?”

It took Lexi a few seconds to even remember. “I was going to take a walk.” Lexi stood and offered John a hand to help him to his feet. “Wanna come?”

John nodded and took her hand. “Sure.”

The garden was absolutely massive. They meandered through it for nearly an hour before coming upon something they had already seen. The gravel paths wove around sculpted bushes and carefully arranged flowerbeds, then faded to more natural dirt trails that were guided by the flow of the surrounding forest. Plant life appeared similar to that of Earth, with a few obvious Alternian species. She recognized some fallen leaves from a white oak tree blow past in the slight breeze. Flowers seemed to come in a larger array of colors and shapes, and the fragrance of the garden as a whole was nigh intoxicating. Lexi decided she could get used to this as she watched a rabbit scamper behind a bush. She grinned as she caught a glimpse of its bright red tail. John seemed to find it all fascinating enough.

Until they came to the rose bushes.

On Earth, roses had only naturally been red, white, or pink. At most, they were a mixture of these colors, unless they were artificial. This wasn’t earth. Every bloom in the wall of thorns—every last one—was a solid, royal blue. Lexi was struck by the beauty, but she immediately noticed when John stopped in his tracks.

“John?”

He was staring at the flowers as if they were a venomous snake he had accidentally cornered.

Lexi put her hands on his shoulders and placed herself in front of him. “You all right?” She knew it was a stupid question as soon as she asked.

John shook his head and met Lexi’s gaze. “No, I’m not all right. It’s not  _fair_ . It’s not supposed to be like this.” He stared down at his feet, and Lexi could hear in his voice that he was trying not to cry. “…I’m— _we_ are supposed to be  _us._ ”

Lexi sighed. This was not going to be easy to handle. “You’re still  _you_ , John.”  _More than I am, at least,_ she thought, before shoving it down in her mind. John needed her help first.

John lifted his head to look Lexi in the eye again. “How can you be so fine with this? You were a girl and then you weren’t, and it doesn’t bother you? And you have it even worse, because you can’t get mad or else you’re dangerous. But you just… you let me cry like it’s my problems that are worse, and I know they aren’t, but they really  _hurt_ and…”

“Shh.” Lexi pulled John into a hug and rubbed his back. He was short enough that his face ended up on her shoulder, but she heard his muffled gasps as he tried to hold back tears. “I’m not fine, John. I’m just good at not showing it. Most of the time.”

“Yeah, but why? Why do you have to do that? Hide it? You can cry too. I don’t mind. Isn’t that my job? As like, your moirail or whatever? Or even as just your friend, too.”

Lexi smiled, even though John couldn’t see it while she held him. “John, it’s not that I’m trying to hide it. I’m just used to ignoring it.”

“Yeah, but, how do you just  _ignore_ it?”

Lexi shrugged. “Well, most of the time in my life, people needed me to be there for them. So I just let my own shit take a backseat. I was sad sometimes, but a few of my friends were straight up suicidal.” John tensed and hugged Lexi tighter. “I decided their issues were more important, so I shoved mine away. I guess…I’ve never had a problem this big before, but I’m so used to not giving a shit, it doesn’t matter as much.”

“So, basically,” John said, pulling his head back and wiping away a few tears. “You are the rock.”

“It is me,” Lexi finished, and they both laughed. “Did you look around the house much yesterday?”

“Not really, why?”

“I want to show you something.” Lexi grabbed John’s hand and led him back to the house.

They entered the music room behind the kitchen, and Lexi thought John’s eyes might just pop out of his head. His mouth dropped open like a cartoon character’s at the sight of the beautiful grand piano in the center of the space. “I didn’t know this was here,” he said, awestruck. He approached the instrument with open veneration, lightly running his fingers over the keys. His hand froze, and Lexi could see how his gaze was locked on his gray fingers and yellow nails.

Lexi covered his hand with hers, and he gave a small start. “Hey,” she said softly. “Why don’t you play something?”

John stared at their overlapped hands for a few more seconds, then sat at the bench, making room for Lexi to sit beside him. “I gotta warm up first, okay? No teasing.” For ten minutes or so, John played snatches of songs. Lexi vaguely recognized the more popular classical ones, but the rest she knew. She even sang along to a few when she could hit the notes, which got John to smile, so she kept doing it.

John paused with his hands at the ready above the keys. “Any requests?”

“Depends on what you can play,” Lexi said, a slight challenge in her voice.

“Name it,” John shot back with sudden confidence.

“Hm…” Lexi rubbed her thumbs against the tips of her other fingers. “Hold that thought.” She left the room and returned a minute later with her guitar. John’s face lit up like a Christmas tree, and Lexi smiled. “I don’t know a whole lot that goes with piano, so we’ll have to do something old.”  Lexi pulled over a low stool and propped the guitar on her knee.

Lexi strummed the first chunk of [notes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaUyJyPekJE), throwing glances at John to see if it clicked. He nodded thoughtfully, but he hadn’t gotten it quite yet, so Lexi started to sing.

“It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday—”

Comprehension flickered in John’s eyes, and he turned back to the piano to join in.

“—The regular crowd shuffles in

There’s an old man sitting next to me

Making love to his tonic and gin…”


	15. Clueless

“Hey, Lexi,” John said when they finished the song.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

“You too.” Lexi flexed her sore fingers and propped her guitar against the wall. “Well, that’s it for me. My fingers are done.” Then she remembered what she had said to Gamzee earlier and cleared her throat. “You gonna be good tonight? To sleep, I mean.”

John smiled and nodded. “I’ll be fine.” Then he tilted his head curiously. “Why are you blushing?”

“No reason,” Lexi said, just as the door to the music room opened and Rose walked in, followed closely by Dave. Lexi saw her opportunity and quickly advanced on the open door. “See you later, John.” She waved at Dave and Rose as she passed them.

She made her way to her room first, fished her laptop from a pile of clothes in the corner, then secluded herself deep in the library on the first floor. She had several things to Google, or whatever the dominant search engine in this reality was. The browser at least had an Incognito mode, which she entered without a second thought. She began her search as simply as possible, typing only the word “matespritship”, and oh dear god was this more intense than she had anticipated.

Phrases like “empathic link” and “exceedingly interpersonal” popped up in the literature frequently. Her face was cherry red through the grey already, and she hadn’t even looked up how this physically worked yet. She had no idea that she had been asking this of Gamzee earlier today. She felt so embarrassed and rude. What she had proposed suddenly seemed extremely forward. And yet…it didn’t feel wrong. Certainly rude, but not incorrect. The intense pity she felt at the thought of Gamzee suffering had never been dulled by doubt. She couldn’t shake the feeling that he needed her, like his safety and happiness were hardwired imperatives emblazoned on her brain.

The sound of a book sliding from a nearby shelf caught Lexi’s attention. “Hey Eridan,” she greeted as casually as she could manage. She hoped her face wasn’t still flushed.

“Hey, Lex,” he responded. “Whatcha readin’?”

Lexi grinned. “Extremely compromising and embarrassing material. You?”

“History,” he replied with an odd tone of determination. “I used to know everythin’ about Alternian history, so I figure I might as well read up on this planet to help me relax.”

Lexi nodded in understanding, but she noted the distinct lack of his accent in his speech and grew concerned. She and Eridan had been maintaining a ‘human’ friendship over the past few weeks, and it was going surprisingly well. Eridan was a big history buff, and he had told her quite a bit about Alternian history and culture. She had regaled him with her nominal knowledge of Earth history, which he had eagerly absorbed. “Are you doing okay?” Lexi asked.

Eridan shrugged. “Got nothin’ separatin’ me from the land dwellers anymore,” he said. His free hand twitched as if he were thinking about rubbing gills that were no longer there. “Though it’s a lot more comfortable breathin’ air, I gotta say.” He half-turned to leave with his book, then faced Lexi again. “Heard you and John are moirails. Nepeta was bouncin’ off the walls about it.”

“Yeah, it was just sort of automatic,” Lexi admitted awkwardly. “How are things going with Sollux?”

A wicked grin crossed Eridan’s face. “We had a fight this morning,” he said proudly.

Lexi chuckled. “He walked away from it to fight another day, right?” Sometimes she got a little worried for Sollux.

“Of course! I’m not as off the fuckin’ handle as I used to be, ya know.” Then he added sullenly, “Wish he still had his psionics, though. S’more of a challenge.”

“You would wish he could still vaporize you,” Lexi teased.

“Don’t be scoldin’ me ‘bout my kismesissitude,” Eridan shot back defensively, but his expression quickly turned mischievous. “How’s it going with the Junior Highblood, eh?”

Lexi carefully kept her eyes off her computer screen. “Fine,” she said evasively, but damn it, she could feel the blood going to her cheeks again.

Eridan rolled his eyes. “That’s the shittiest attempt at coverin’ up your feelin’s I ever fuckin’ seen, Lex.” He leaned toward her conspiratorially. “You get around to pailing yet?”

“Holy fuck, Eridan!” Lexi burst out, her face burning all over. She struggled to maintain a whisper. “You don’t just ask people that!”

Eridan just giggled under his breath. “Whaleshit, Lex. You explained this human friendship thing well enough for me to know I can ask you shit like that. You don’t gotta answer anyway.” He sauntered off, snickering to himself. “You should ask Kanaya about it if you need any tips.”

Lexi almost threw a stray book at Eridan as he swept out of the room, shaking with laughter. Goddamn lousy, nosy motherfucker. She sighed and looked at her computer. She was only halfway done with this research, and now she was back to feeling mortified again. She set her shoulders, cast a paranoid glance around her—even though her back was right against the wall—and launched the final leg of her investigation.

…Wow, you could…at the same time? Wait, what now? And they just _do_ that? Holy shit. Lexi suddenly felt painfully clueless. This needed to be rectified immediately. While she was experienced with this level of intimacy when it came to human biology, reading about the new capabilities of her body made her feel like an awkward teenager all over again. Fuck, how much time did she have? The clock on her laptop indicated she had easily two hours to spare. Should be enough. The similarities proved to be numerous, thankfully. The few glaring differences were mostly automatic, instinctive things that she didn’t have to worry about. Okay, if she was being honest with herself—which she probably should be, in the interest of preserving her sanity—the physical part wasn’t what worried her. She took a deep breath and shut her laptop. This was stupid.

She opened the door to find Karkat with his hand outstretched—which he yanked back immediately—about to open the door.

Lexi couldn’t stop the adrenaline rush, but she was thankful she could ignore the sudden surge of anger with relative ease. Ignoring the pang of guilt at the sight of his scratches was not so easy.

Karkat stared at her for a few seconds before finally saying, “We’re having movie night.” He turned slowly and crossed the room to plop down on the couch next to John.

Lexi took a seat on John’s other side. He was holding Karkat’s hand in his lap, but he leaned into Lexi with a relieved sigh when she sat down. She leaned her head against his, behind his horns, and laughed at the gagging sound she knew was coming from Eridan.

“How are Rose and Dave?” Lexi whispered, though she kept her tone loud enough for Karkat to hear to ease his anxiety.

“They’re great!” John chirped brightly. “I thought Rose was going to bust an aneurism trying not to psychoanalyze me, but she really did try.” His shoulders slumped a little, so Lexi supplied a low purr only he could feel. “Dave was…happy. I think he was trying to play it cool around me, but he’s never really been good at it anyway, and it’s good to see him like that, you know?”

“Mm-hmm,” Lexi agreed. She felt the cushions shift as someone sat next to her.

Gamzee smiled at her and took her hand in his, shoving his bottle of Faygo between his legs to unscrew the lid with his other hand. “Y’all motherfuckers might just be harder to watch than Sollux and Aradia, damn.” He chuckled and took a swig of his orange soda.

Karkat was drawing in a deep breath to launch some sort of tirade in more malicious agreement with Gamzee’s innocent teasing, but just then Eridan plopped down on the last available space, startling Karkat and sending him into a brief coughing fit.

Gamzee leaned smoothly over both Lexi and John and offered Karkat the Faygo bottle. Lexi could make out something like “that disgusting swill away from me” through all the wheezing, but Gamzee patiently let the drink hang in the air, and sure enough Karkat ended up downing a bit of it just so he could breathe again.

“Fuckin’ hell, Kar,” Eridan said with a chuckle. “You scare too fuckin’ easy.”

The others piled into the room and assumed places on various furniture. Equius and Feferi served as Nepeta’s collective seat, Sollux maximized the distance between himself and Eridan but cast venomous glances every now and then, and Terezi plopped into a beanbag just a few feet away from the television so she could better smell the images. (She promised not to lick the screen before Karkat could get on too much of a roll warning her about it.)

“What are we watching?” Feferi asked excitedly.

Karkat freed himself from his sandwiched position between John and Eridan and cleared his throat. “Well, we were going to watch one of the cinematic classics from my personal collection—” he eyed John with suspicion, and Lexi caught her moirail’s ornery smirk before it was suppressed “—but all of my movies have mysteriously disappeared.” He took a deep breath and lifted a DVD case in one hand. “So I randomly chose from the films already present in the house.”

“Is that—?” Lexi whispered.

“That looks like—” Dave said at the same time.

The red and yellow color scheme of the front cover was unmistakable. Thurman’s face was the same, though it was gray instead of peach, of course.

“Pulp Fiction!” John exclaimed. “You guys are actually gonna love this one, I swear!”

Several skeptical glances were cast in John’s direction. He had spent a considerable chunk of time while the game was frozen trying to convince everyone that a number of his favorite movies were legitimately quality films. He had not succeeded. Karkat, despite his feelings for John, was the most vocal about each and every flaw he was forced to sit through on their group movie nights.

“It is honestly a great film,” Lexi promised the unconvinced group, and she felt a faint rumble of appreciation from John against her side.

Somewhere between Bruce Willis going too hard in a boxing match and the pawn shop scene, Gamzee snuggled up closer to Lexi and rested his head against hers. As the movie went on, he would occasionally shift, as if to remind her he was there, and she would squeeze his hand or return his head rub to reassure him. Though some of it was to reassure herself. John seemed to catch wind of what was going on, for all his obliviousness. He leaned more on Karkat than on Lexi as the movie went on.

Finally, the film ended, and nearly everyone was impressed. Most of the others weren’t ready for bed, so they went about their business around the house. Gamzee excused himself to his room separately, but gave Lexi an ornery wink on his way out. John was preoccupied with Karkat begrudgingly admitting the film was actually palatable.

A few minutes later, Lexi took a deep breath and headed upstairs.

(Sex scene can be read as the next chapter or as part of my NSFW Excerpts [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6697066).)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know, I know. I have been neglecting my writing. I am working to fix that, now that my life has steadied.
> 
> Sex Scene is in progress and will be readable soon. >>Update! Sex scene is complete and is the next chapter.


	16. Matesprit

Lexi stood in front of Gamzee’s door, staring at it with butterflies she hadn’t felt since…

It had been awhile.

She contemplated knocking, but she ended up just twisting the handle as loudly and as slowly as possible before entering. Gamzee was sitting on his bed, still in his t-shirt and spotted pants. His arms rested almost haphazardly on his propped up knees.

His face paint was off.

Lexi suppressed the urge to gulp nervously when she realized he had removed his last line of defense, just for her. She locked the door behind her, then crossed the room. He moved to make room on the bed and rested his head on one of the pillows. Lexi laid next to him, taking in the expression on his face. She wasn’t sure if he was more scared or excited.

“I didn’t realize what I had asked you to do, earlier,” Lexi started. “For humans, it’s not—”

Gamzee gently ran his fingertip along her lower lip. “Shh, shh,” he whispered. “I knew what you was askin’, sis. Been hopin’ you would…” His face fell. “And hopin’ you wouldn’t.”

Lexi reached up to take his hand. “I figured out why,” she admitted. “The…mental part. It worries you.”

Gamzee nodded.

Lexi scooted closer to him and ran a hand through his hair. “Me too.”

She leaned forward to kiss him, and he met her halfway. He moved more slowly than with their normal routine, cupped her face in his hands, wrapped his legs around hers and pulled her in. She eagerly pressed close to him, but she let him keep his pace. She was quite certain he was a virgin, and she was only half of one. She held back a giggle at the absurdity of her train of thought and moved the hand that was touching his back under his shirt. She inched the fabric upward cautiously, not wanting to move too fast for him. He neither flinched nor moved to stop her, and he lifted his arms as she gently drew the shirt up past his horns.

She had honestly never seen him shirtless. Gamzee wasn’t overly muscled, but he wasn’t soft either. Like the rest of him, his chest was slim with a lean layer of muscle. He was beautiful. She obliged as Gamzee took his turn sliding her own t-shirt over her head. She was never a fan of bras, and trolls had a slight firmness about them that really rendered that particular clothing pointless. She pushed him firmly but carefully down into the pillows. An instinctive growl of arousal escaped her mouth, and he quickly echoed the sound.

She ran her hand down his side, scratching just enough to make him shiver, then reached behind his waistband to gently run two fingers along the thin, solid layer of tissue that covered his bulge. She felt it shudder as Gamzee groaned beneath her, then she felt a sudden rush of sensation as he rubbed the base of both her horns at once. It was like an electric shock; she drew in a shaky breath. He’d never done that before, and it was _amazing_. She could feel the protective layer of her own bulge opening up.

She did her best to concentrate on carefully pulling him out of his pants and underwear while he kept up the pressure on her horns. She threw her own on the floor to complete the pile. She hovered over Gamzee, knowing technically what was going to happen but unsure if she should keep going. She could see his penis listing left and right, and she felt hers doing the same. It was still odd to think about the tentacle that seemed to have a life of its own as a penis, let alone that she also had one. She re-focused on current events.

“You’re sure?” Lexi breathed as she looked in Gamzee’s eyes.

He gazed up at her with a delicate smile. He slowly pulled her down to him. She could feel her heartbeat in her ears, and they were both trembling with nerves. As she knew would happen, but she wasn’t prepared for, their tentacle-like organs—okay yeah, penis was a better word—made contact and almost instantly wrapped around each other. The feeling was completely foreign. The best descriptor she could come up with was…comfortable? But, obviously in a more sexual way. The instinct to place her forehead to Gamzee’s rose so strongly, she was barely aware of crossing what little distance separated them.

The world seemed to fade around them until she was barely aware of the bed beneath them, and she could feel their pulses began to synchronize. This wasn’t romantic exaggeration either; this was literally how the matespriteship bond was experienced. She felt disoriented, so she laced her fingers between Gamzee’s and held onto him tightly. One more beat…

…and the world was nothing but a shadow as their minds became linked. First came the emotions. She felt her love reflected back toward her in Gamzee. Where hers was gentle and certain, his was hesitant and a flicker of fear ran through it. She quickly focused on her own love, reaching out with it as if to push his uncertainty away. _I love you_ , she thought, as purely and surely as she could. In the physical world, she squeezed his hands and pressed even closer, sending a twitch of excitement through both of their tentacles.

She heard him moan, felt his fear fade in response. _I love you_ , he echoed, and his thoughts became colored with hope instead of fear. She happily reciprocated the feeling as she carefully lifted her head, then began to place kisses along the sensitive part of his neck. The feedback from his arousal was unbelievable. Every touch that stimulated him flowed through the bond to her. Not only that, they could feel what each other wanted. He reached up to stroke the base of her left horn barely after she’d thought of it. She felt his yearning for a thrusting motion and immediately obliged with _just_ the right intensity. The pleasure was utterly perfect, and she could not give a damn about her old body right now. This closeness, this indescribable bliss, was worth the change.

They had both been anticipating this, so neither of them could last very long before climax. They reached it together, experienced double the orgasm at once, expelling exactly the sort of fluid one would expect. The bond faded, and they lay next to each other on the bed, staring peacefully into each other’s eyes.

“See?” Lexi breathed. “I love you.”

Gamzee’s eyes began to water as he embraced her. “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There, finally updated. Not my best work. Honestly, this entire story is not my best work, but I am going to finish it, damn it! Next update should be the last. I will mainly be dropping a bombshell and then providing closure. I might even write it tonight, hell, I've got the itch!


	17. End

_ONE MONTH LATER..._

Lexi woke snuggled up with Gamzee. As usual, she was the big spoon. She yawned and ruffled his always-messy hair. He grumbled sleepily and rolled onto his stomach.

“’Nother ten, love,” he muttered into the pillow.

“Okay,” Lexi chuckled. She rolled off the bed and got dressed. Equius had taken it upon himself to be house chef, and the smell of bacon reached her nose halfway down the staircase. She hopped into her usual seat next to John at the bar while Nepeta started to lay out everyone’s plates.

The breakfast crew was slim; most of the others preferred to sleep in. Jade was always up first, citing the fact she had gotten _plenty_ of sleep in her childhood, not a minute to waste ever again! John and Lexi were just morning people. Equius and Nepeta were inseparable, and Equius was house chef, after all. Aradia was the only one up earlier than anyone else, and she had already gone off exploring no doubt. This planet had its own history, despite its origin ultimately lying in the game. Occasionally, Eridan would drag himself out of bed to accompany on her exploits, which would only result in a cranky Sollux tagging along to prevent the embarrassment of his kismesis having more drive to hang out with his own moirail.

“Thanks guys,” Lexi said to Equius and Nepeta as her plate was filled with bacon and sausage. Meat preference was still very much a feature of their anatomy in this world. She gave John a long glance, and he returned it with a small smile and a thumbs up.

John had been doing better with the dysphoria. Lexi had been terrified that there wouldn’t really be a way for him to deal with it. She was familiar with gender dysphoria, but how often did people get trapped as another _species_? What John was feeling was unique. At least he seemed to be coming to terms with the change. She suspected he had sought help from Rose, and Karkat had been supportive ever since his initial rash comments had upset John. And of course Lexi was helping as his moirail. He was doing better all the time.

Lexi looked up at the clock on the wall. “Half hour ‘til jam time,” she announced. Some of them had started up a band. Practice time was mostly referred to as ‘jam time’. Lexi and Jade played guitar, John played piano, Dave made all sorts of cool sounds with his equipment, and Gamzee sang. His gravelly voice translated surprisingly well into song. Lexi was biased of course, but her bias was reaffirmed when the others had heard him and been just as impressed.

She was just about to climb the stairs to grab her guitar and rouse Dave from his sleep when she heard a knock on the door. Being the only one around, she went to the door to open it. Someone had probably ordered something online. Eridan had been shipping in history books galore lately, and Sollux had been ordering supplies for bee farming.

She opened the door, expecting someone in a postman uniform.

Lexi nearly had a heart attack when she put together the orange-tinged black hair, triangular pointed shades, and vaguely heart-shaped horns. He did not recognize her, obviously.

“Hello,” he began with a faint tinge of uncertainty. “I think I might have the wrong address, but I was looking for—”

Before he could finish, Lexi had turned to shout up the stairs at the top of her lungs; “DAAAAVE!”

_WRAP-UP/SYNOPSIS_

First off, yes, all four of the alpha kids are on the new planet. They had been there for a while before the others made it out of the frozen gamescape. The alpha kids had been searching for them diligently and were finally able to find them.

I will leave all further shipping open from here. Everyone ends up living happily ever after. They created the damn universe, after all.

I hope everyone enjoyed this somewhat! As stated in the summary, it is “mostly just emotional exploration with next to no plot.”

***Dysphoria disclaimer: John’s improvement is NOT in ANY WAY meant to suggest that people can “get over” gender dysphoria. I will never endorse that sentiment. EVER. I attempt to make it clear that swapping species specifically would be a disorienting experience and in some cases could certainly result in symptomatic similarities with gender dysphoria. However, since obviously there is no way for John to revert to being human, performatively or physically, I do not want to trap him in a permanent state of duress, which would be a really shitty reward for creating a universe.***


End file.
